Just wanted to let you know that we all saw what went down in the Charley’s parking lot after hours the other night when you cussed out your hot girlfriend, threatened to kick her ass, nearly wrestled her to the ground and attempted to steal her surfboard, which you managed to smash into the gravel before she got it away from you. Lucky that you got away before the cops arrived or you’d be headed right back to prison where we all know you used to stay. I don’t know how you ever got such a hot chick like that in the first place, considering your big gut (which we all saw in Technicolor when you took your shirt off at the bar) and your drunken, sloppy style. I really hope she dumped your ass because I want to ask her out. She definitely deserves a real man, not a dumb punk like you.