This goes out to the douche bag who decided to cheat on his bomb-ass girlfriend. Hey smarty, the least you could’ve done was TRY to find someone ALMOST as awesome as the girl you’re currently seeing. But no, you went and picked up some stray off the street. Oh, poor thing, needed to fill the void? The funniest part is that you thought you were gonna get a brand-new truck, but all you got is a slut! No one to chop your chicken anymore? No one to buy you body boards with their last $100? It may seem like your girlfriend—sorry, ex-girlfriend—lost everything, considering she had to move out of the house that she worked so hard to get and leave half her shit behind, but there are a two things that she still has: dignity and self-respect. They’re two things you will never have again. So go get a life—and while you’re at it, some dental coverage and a new front tooth.