The other day I came home from work and found your shiny yellow SUV in my driveway, partially blocking the entrance. I asked you to move your car, and you said you’d “get around to it.” So then I had to ask very politely—I even said “please”—and still you didn’t move it. That’s when I had to threaten you with calling the cops. “Why you gonna call the cops?” you said, before adding, “We’re neighbors! Where’s the aloha spirit?” Brah, aloha spirit is when you give! Not when you take! I guarantee that if you came home and I was soaking in your front yard Jacuzzi, you would not be all Mr. Aloha. And about that “neighbors” line: I’ve lived next to you for over a year and you don’t even know my name. You’ve never said hi, even just once. So next time when I come home you better have your car parked in one of the five parking stalls that exist on your property or else I’m telling the county planning department about your illegal vacation rentals.