To the bastard who stole my record crate and laptop from my white Ford Sporttrek on Kauhikoa the other night: Good job, kid. No, I mean it—you made one hell of a score. See, you managed to steal not just my laptop and video camera—nice items, sure—but also all the photos of my family since my kids were born. Basically, you stole memories that can never be replaced. Feel guilty yet? No? Well how about this: you also stole my insulin and syringes! Next time, why don’t just steal my keys and then run me over with my own car! But if you would like to save your soul/karma, you still can! Just return what you took to Whaler’s Locker in Lahaina, no questions asked.