You are an unintelligent scumbag. When anyone on Maui sees you surfing on my 10’0” Angulo “Stonebreaker” woody-style board, they will immediately know that you’re the one who stole it out of my garage attic in Napili. This is because the board is beautiful and you are, as previously noted, a bag of scum. Hopefully, they will promptly report you to the police (case #07-34951). It goes without saying that I will testify against you. In fact, the whole island will. You’re a lowly surfboard thief, too stupid to realize that you can’t get away with your crime because on this small island everyone hates surfboard thieves. We hate you because we can’t even leave a board in the pick-up while we get lunch. In fact, we can’t even leave our board in the pick-up when it’s locked in the garage. So please get your affairs in order, because very soon now you’ll be headed off to jail, and Maui will be a much better place because of that.