To the silver-bearded corporate hippie tourist with the red Murano, fishing hat and horrible aloha shirt: It’s bad enough that you rear-ended my car in front of me as I was walking back to it after watching a nice sunset at Kam 1, but after I let you go because there was no real damage, you end up at the same Maui Tacos as me while I’m reading “Eh Brah” in MauiTime. As I look up, I see that you and your wife have somehow mistakenly started to eat my food as well. Come on, brah–I respect my elders, but I gotta draw the line somewhere. How about just easing off the mai tais? Peace.
Illustration by Ron Pitts