These walls are thin. You know it because you hear my children screaming and giggling and banging their toys on the floor all day. We know it because we hear you and your various boyfriends bumping uglies and groaning about it like you’re auditioning for a porno all night, every night. I have no problem with you having an active sex life. But if I’m forced to have one more awkward conversation with my five-year-old about why you and your friends are doing “exercises” at four in the morning, I might castrate the next strapping young kane who comes knocking at your door.