You look like a friendly hippy, with your tie dyes and long hair and missing tooth, and you seem very pleasant and helpful. In fact, you’re a liar and dirtbag thief. You’ve robbed nice people of more than $50,000 in the past year through deliberate scams and being a deadbeat tenant. You’ve even ripped off crops. And nice job taking a guy’s dog hostage for thousands in ransom. Shameless scumbags like you don’t belong on the island. Here’s some free advice: you better get off Maui now, before vigilante justice catches up to you.
Illustration by Ron Pitts