Eh guy who used the restaurant bathroom right before me (no need to say what restaurant or even town, because you know who you are): are you an alien? For real. I’ve never seen something that color come out of someone’s body before. I’m into aliens—seen all the movies—so if you are, that’d be super exciting. Or maybe you’re a leprechaun. It is almost St. Patty’s Day. That’d be cool too; you could lead me to your pot of gold. If you’re not an alien or a leprechaun, though, I have a little piece of advice: go see a doctor. Quick. That ain’t natural, brah. Oh, also: flush the damn toilet.