To the hippies I had the displeasure of sitting next to on the plane: First, what do you find so wrong with showering? You smelled like rotting mold and I had to endure it for nearly six hours. Second, I’m all about free speech but did you have to drop the F bomb and talk about drug use so loudly and excessively? There were keiki around and elders. But to put the icing on the cake, before we had even left the Mainland you asked, “Do you know where to get food stamps? I hear you can get them real easy and get them the next day.” Honestly, if you need food stamps, you shouldn’t be flying to the islands. Food stamps are for people who need them, not freeloaders like yourself. You were clearly young and physically able to make it on your own. So please quit living off the rest of us hard workers. But I still can’t figure out why, after enduring six hours of your BS, I let you ride in the back of my friend’s truck to Paia. Of course, the first words out of your mouth were, “Dude, can you f— with the cops” as you flipped of the airport police. Brah, if I knew what was going on in the back I would have jumped out, beaten your ass and tossed you to the curb. Welcome to Maui–now go back home!
Illustration by Ron Pitts