To the jerk who stole my camouflage wet okole seat covers: I hope you’re someone who lives on the street, or was in dire need of a quick buck, because I worked 14 hours to earn enough money to buy those. I had to wait two months just to get them. While you were busy jacking them, I was working out at the gym, trying to overcome severe depression and heartache. I slowly worked my way up from hoofing it to a bike, then a moped and finally to a Jeep with seats that are (as I’m sure you noticed) old, dirty, shredded and disgusting. When it rains, those seats become a sponge. Anyway, I hope you’re super stoked ‘cuz you really bummed my rap.
Illustration: Ron Pitts