Look, dude. You’ve sent me over 60 emails in the past two weeks. Isn’t it time you get the hint? I. Am. Not. Interested. I don’t want to hear about your past relationships or hopes for the future. I don’t need the latest inspirational verse you have for me. Sorry (not sorry), but I’m not your friend like that and we’ve never even actually met. Maybe you’re lonely, and if so I feel for you, but you need some new game because this email spam strategy ain’t it. Or at least take the hint and try emailing someone else.
Illustration by Ron Pitts