Eh guy who used the restaurant bathroom right before me (no need to say what restaurant or even town, because you know who you are): are you an alien? For real. I’ve never seen something that color come out of someone’s body before. I’m into aliens — seen all the movies — so if you are, that’d be super exciting. Or maybe you’re a leprechaun. It is almost St. Patty’s Day. That’d be cool too; you could lead me to your pot of gold. If you’re not an alien or a leprechaun, though, I have a little piece of advice: go see a doctor. Quick. That ain’t natural, brah. Oh, also: flush the damn toilet.
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