To the tone deaf bagpiper who chooses to blow his pipes Upcountry in the late afternoon and into the evening: there’s nothing like sitting outside in the fresh air, enjoying the sunset while listening to the whine coming from your pipes. I’m not sure whether to call the cops or the humane society because it sounds like you’re killing cats with that thing. Do you have any idea how far the sound from that thing travels? Miles! That’s why I’m guessing you don’t do this anywhere near your own neighborhood because everyone would hate you and throw rocks and garbage at you. Please send the bagpipes back to Scotland and leave Upcountry in peace.
Illustration by Ron Pitts