I know you’re proud of your diesel monster truck. It’s big, brash and could make pancakes out of lesser machines that might attempt to share the road. If you need to drive one of those things, whatever. But can you maybe use your brain a little when it’s time to start the engine? You live in an enclosed townhouse complex, with at least 18 homes contained within a 50-foot radius of the sound of your rocket ignition and horrid clatter that begins at 4am and continues for 15 minutes. Do you not hear the dogs barking? Do you not hear the babies crying? Do you not see all the lights turn on in the 18 homes all around you? All those dogs and keiki and people are not up getting ready to start their days because that’s normal for them. They’re FORCED to get up and start their days because your insecurity about your penis size evidently outweighs your concern for others. Wake up, brah, and think about all the people who live around you who do nothing of the sort to THEIR neighbors.
Illustration by Ron Pitts