OK, here goes: She’s sleeping around on you, dude. With me. And at least two other guys. And I have VD. Not one of the really bad ones, but an unfun one. Seriously, if I wasn’t scared of getting my ass kicked I’d have told you myself. Don’t worry, I’m out, gone, headed off the island. Not sure about the others, though I think one of them is in jail. Hate me if you want (I would). But I had to clear my cowardly conscience–and tell you to get tested.