EH BRAH! Staff Edition
Dear Mr. Steven Berns of the Berns/Brett party (who recently traveled to Maui aboard American Airlines),
Good news! I found your missing luggage stickers! I’m sure you’ve been agonizing over not being able to dispose of it properly. Don’t worry, I’ll help you out.
Luckily for you, ‘opala-picking is a pastime of mine and I happened upon your luggage stickers et alia while wandering Waiehu’s stunning seaside drive. Seeing as you’re taking your time and money to visit our lovely little isle, I know you must appreciate its aesthetic pleasures and would never think to mar it with rubbish.
Gosh, wouldn’t it have been a shame if your
litter lost bag tags had blown off the road’s shoulder and into the ocean? Some hapless sea creature–lured by the fluorescence of the AAdvantage oneworld tiered status program stickers–might have choked and died or whatever; then no one would ever have known what happened to your stuff!
Funnily, it’s all stuck to a piece of a beef jerky bag (are you missing that, too?). I’d say this was apropos if you were the kind of jerk who littered. I’m sure you’re not.
A hui hou,