SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-DEC.21)
Certain male lizards claim piles of rock as their territories—the most dominant lizards have the biggest best mounds of precious, heat-soaking stone. They also have the most females—but these aren’t drawn to their dominant behavior, striking physiques, or winning personalities so much as their primo real estate. Give another lizard a bigger pile of rocks and soon he’s rolling in lady lizards. Obviously, most humans aren’t quite so simple, but try to remember the lizards the next time(s) you get rejected. It often has nothing to do with your smile, your jokes, or your body. Sometimes the other guy (or gal) just has a bigger pile of rocks.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
I dreamt I traveled to another planet. Despite a totally different landscape, the humans living there spoke English and were culturally very similar to the ones I knew on Earth. However, even using dream logic I was pretty sure it wouldn’t take long to expose the subtle but profound differences between us. Same goes for you this week. You may find yourself among people with whom you have a surprising amount in common; however, don’t be surprised when fundamental disparities appear. Just employ the same strategy I’d have used on my new planet: stay cool when dissimilarities crop up, and do your best to emphasize the common ground you nevertheless share.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
As every parent knows, little children relish repetition. They’ll watch a favorite movie literally dozens (or even hundreds) of times, with tremendous satisfaction. Fortunately, as we grow older, most of us develop more of a taste for variety. Although it’s pleasant to occasionally revisit an old favorite, most people are happier with stuff that’s mostly new, fresh, and interesting. Try to remember that this week; while nostalgia will allow you to keep to the tried and true for a while, if you don’t mix it up with a refreshing surprise or two here or there, the discerning adults in your life aren’t likely to stick around much longer.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Although you’re arguably the most malleable and in some ways easygoing sign in the zodiac, you do have a sizable stubborn streak. Sometimes, when people pressure you to pursue a certain direction, you’ll resentfully resist, just to prove (perhaps unconsciously) that you can. This is especially disastrous, of course, when it actually is just the right direction for you. Try not to let your slightly childish obstinacy keep you from taking excellent advice this week, even and especially if you don’t like the source or how it’s presented. If it’s a good idea, it’s a good idea—so please be conscious and humble enough to notice that and ignore the rest.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Holiday shopping is occasionally fun, but often a total drag, especially when motivated by guilt, or when you must find a gift for someone who’s difficult to shop for. Make this easier on yourself this week—and no, I don’t mean buying a lame gift card or showering them with cash. Start by straight-up asking them, and not taking modest demurrals for an answer. If that doesn’t work, you’ll need to bribe, guilt, extort, or trick it out of them. Stop flying blind. The answers are out there—do what you’ve got to do to get them.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
The bloodsuckers in your life have gotten out of hand. These aren’t the glamorously hot and sparkly kind, either—just plain old parasites that are only likely to drag you down, not grant you immortality and superpowers. Unfortunately you can’t feasibly get rid of them with a garlic necklace, a splash of holy water, or a sharpened stake. You’ll have to use subtler (and sadly somewhat less effective) means to keep them from draining you of vitality. Don’t let them have another drop. Put on your best vampire-slaying outfit and put an end to their mooching and freeloading, right now.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
It shouldn’t work this way, but sometimes the only way to get the treatment you deserve is to insist on it—and by that I don’t mean being worshipped as a diva, but simply being given the normal respect and consideration due every human being. I wish you didn’t have to go out of your way, but it is what it is, and enduring unfair treatment out of principle (“I shouldn’t have to say anything!”) just won’t get you very far. Yeah, it sucks, but the alternative sucks worse. Stick up for yourself, already. No one else is likely to.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Normally stable people can get loopy around the holidays (you may have already experienced this at Thanksgiving). While it would certainly be kind of you to cut everyone some slack for wacky behavior, there are limits, and your tolerance should only extend so far. Gently set some firm boundaries. Of course, if it turns out you’re the holiday kook, it may not be fun to find out that’s your role, nor to have people call you out on your shenanigans. Try to take it with good grace, just as you’d hope someone else would, though, and not go even further off the deep end.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Wild creatures use many different tactics to keep themselves from harm, including venom to deter predators, camouflage to hide from them, or deception (posing as something more threatening). These are not leonine tactics, though. It’s especially hard for you to hide, or pretend to be anything other than you are. You can go ahead and try these kinds of strategies, if you insist, but they’re not likely to work well. Bold, direct confrontation (and a little tactical, well-timed roaring here and there) has mostly worked for you in the past; it should be similarly effective here.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
It’s more satisfying to clean a filthy room than to scrub an almost perfectly spotless one. Being able to easily see a tangible difference from your efforts is its own reward; sweeping an entire room to produce a thin line of dust that disappears as you try to get it into the dustbin is hardly worthwhile. Try to remember that as you contemplate the (possibly human) mess before you. Yes, fixing it up will be a lot of work, but the alternative is busy-work tidying something that’s not going to look much different once you’re done. Wouldn’t you, if you’re honest with yourself, prefer a project you can make a tangible impact on?
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Generally, I try to speak the truth or say nothing at all, especially if I’m doing something that’s unpleasant, like rejecting someone. “I don’t want to hurt their feelings,” is usually a rationalization used to protect the person doing the rejecting, ironically, not the rejected. They’re going to be hurt no matter what, and if you don’t tell them why, they’ll invent the “reasons” why in their head (and these will generally be worse than the truth). It’s kinder, if more difficult, to be brutally frank in those moments, so they can learn from what’s happened. Keep that in mind this week, and be kind.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
There’s only so much you can do to protect someone else from themselves. At some point, once you’ve made a reasonable effort to steer them in the right direction, stick up for them, and so on, you must simply let them make their own mistakes and learn from the shit that happens. Although you wish the world would be kinder and more patient with them, reality is what it is, and either they learn to navigate it on their own, or they don’t. In fact, continued interference from you might, in some ways, be counter-productive. This week may very well be the best time to let the little bird you’ve taken under your wing fly solo from the nest, at least for a while.