Aries (March 21-April 19)
You sense a lie. Your gut is usually right about these matters, but I wouldn’t worry too much about it right now. Becoming paranoid and suspicious will just make you miserable—and really unpopular if you go out of your way to uncover the plans for your surprise party, if that’s what’s going on. Sometimes the deception is for your own good, and even if it’s not, trust that if it doesn’t originate from someone’s generosity it’s probably coming from some cowardice or misguided intentions instead of a malicious desire to screw you over (and is thus potentially forgivable).
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
It always feels good to clean my place. However, sometimes I let things get pretty piled up or grungy before I get around to it. I know I’ll enjoy having a clean apartment, and it won’t even take that long to get it to a good state—and yet somehow laziness frequently triumphs. Doesn’t this sound familiar? Your Achilles’ Heel may not be your apartment’s tidiness, but there’s something in your life that’s akin to my housecleaning dilemma—it’s easy to do and makes you feel good and yet somehow you can all too easily skip doing it. Here’s the kick in the butt to make sure you don’t omit it this week. Go do it—now.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
I was chatting with a Gemini yesterday and she said, “Being a Gemini is great; we get along with everyone.” That’s true—about half the time. Unfortunately, because you’re so changeable, you also can get into conflict with just about anyone. This week, the latter is more likely than the former. Who knows why you’re so on edge or ready to tussle this week, but we both know how you can avoid getting into pointless scraps you’ll regret—stay away from them. Hermit mode may be in order right now—and if you nevertheless find yourself in a situation where your sharp tongue might get you in trouble, bite it, quickly, and walk away.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
In my neighborhood, so many people have wi-fi that our networks are constantly interfering with each other. (I’m sure there’s a technical solution to this, but I’m not savvy enough to figure it out.) Oddly enough, this reminds me of you, Cancer. When you hang with certain friends, you sometimes cancel each other out; you’re both trying to express something great, but somehow the good stuff is lost in the emotional white noise between you two. Fortunately, there’s an easy solution. Unlike our neighborhood wi-fi competing for bandwidth, you both don’t need to be broadcasting. This week, find an elegant way to take turns.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Avoid knee-jerk reactions. There are some things that just push your buttons (for me, it’s hypocritical, bigoted Republicans), and make it hard to react in a calm, rational manner. Leos are in some ways the least fiery of the Fire signs (your Sagittarian and Aries cousins are much more likely to have tempers) but when someone hits on the couple things that will instantly bring you to a boil, everyone better watch out. Since that’s exceedingly likely this week, make sure you’re consciously determined to keep a cool head—and be ready to exit the scene swiftly if you fail.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
A morally questionable act, no matter how easy it is to rationalize, is still a slippery slope you need to stay away from. If your employer sucks, for example, that’s no reason to rob him blind (even if you can get away with it). Sure, you might walk away with loads of free stuff, but you’d be leaving something else behind—your integrity. That, my dear, is worth a lot more than whatever crap you could lift from your workplace. If you’re getting the short end of the stick, don’t retaliate by compromising your own ideals. Just walk away.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
While the symbolism of planting a seed when your child is born and having the tree sprout and grow alongside your kid is very sweet, starting with a sturdy sapling instead of an acorn makes it far more likely that the baby tree with survive and thrive (and perhaps even be climbable in a reasonable amount of time). Check out the big picture and make the smartest overall decision you can. Don’t get too carried away with symbolic gestures; let practical considerations modify your plan somewhat this week—a month, year, or decade from now, you’ll be very glad you did.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Plunged into turbulent water, it may be difficult to tell which way is up. In theory you can follow air bubbles, since they’ll generally be headed straight to the surface. However, sometimes the water’s so murky that relying entirely on yourself to extricate yourself from that volatile situation might just be a bad idea. Luckily, there are at least two or three people who watched you take the plunge and are now ready to fearlessly aid in your rescue. Keep your eye out for the emotional equivalent of a lifesaver buoy, or simply some outstretched arms.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
In a venue where politics generally play little to no part, you accidentally discover that someone’s views differ wildly from your own. What to do? On the one hand, knowing they disagree with you so fundamentally is bound to henceforth cast them in a negative light for you. On the other hand, however, it’d be a shame to pollute this particular scenario with a disagreement that really has no place here. It’s really up to you. Can you put your politics aside in order to preserve the atmosphere in this situation? If not, consider whether the group would benefit most from you making a scene—or taking yourself out of the picture. Then do that.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
You’ve got to get up pretty early to pull one over on a Capricorn; unfortunately, someone is rising at the crack of dawn to do just that. It’s easy to foil them, though—marshal some of your legendary discipline to beat them at their own game. Of course, this doesn’t necessarily involve actually sneaking out of bed at 4am, but it does require that you do what you can to prepare for any eventuality and preempt most of them—something you are generally very good at, luckily! Set your alarm, figuratively—and when they show up ready to pull a fast one, you’ll be there already, waiting for them.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Although you’re rarely a sore loser, you do have a strong competitive side that bristles at defeat—enough so that you’ll occasionally avoid situations where you’re likely to experience it. That would be a bad idea this week. You have to be in it to win it, they say, and they’re right. Sure, the odds are stacked against you, but you know what? That’s often the case. It’s your job to buck up and go for it anyway. Believe it or not, there’s still a chance (however slim) that you’ll win—and the more you believe it, the likelier it is.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Sometimes regret kicks in the second after you take action. You click “send” on the email and immediately cringe, thinking, “Shit, I shouldn’t have done that.” Of course, you’re used to living with the consequences of actions like these by now, but wouldn’t it be nice if occasionally your gut instinct would be strong enough to stop you before you commit the faux pas? Luckily, this week, it should be intense enough to keep you from going there if you’re “listening” for it at all. Therefore, stay tuned to your own instincts, and if your gut says, “Hold on a second,” stop in your tracks.