Aries (March 21-April 19)
We all need filters; they help us cope with our world, which is often over-stimulating. Unfortunately, when they get too intense, it’s like wearing dark sunglasses at night. For months at a time, no one penetrates the self-induced haze except the tiny minority you find cute or compelling at a glance. That’s why it’s important to periodically shed those protective layers, like a crab molting an outgrown shell. If you choose this week to disencumber yourself of those handicapping barriers, you may be surprised with how effusively the world responds to you noticing it, sending blessing after disguised blessing your way—something it’s likely to keep doing as long as you stay alert and awake enough to catch them.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
What looks like a menacing gang of ass-kicking thugs hurling rocks is actually a bevy of tough, beautiful people tossing candy. The universe isn’t out to get you—it’s just giving you most of the things you want—all at once. Those delicious projectiles do have the power to knock you down for the count—or they could make you fabulously wealthy. It depends on whether you’re going to run for it (and get nailed) or hold your ground and catch as many of the hard-hitting goodies coming your way as you can.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
You’re not an elitist; you’re just discriminating. You’re hardly judgmental; you have standards. Believe me, I’m not here to pooh-pooh your shi-shi attitude (I’m probably a bigger snob than you, anyway). And I’m not going to counsel you to hang out with the lowbrow idiots you usually avoid “because you might learn something from them.” Even though that might be true, I’d rather you do exactly as you please—as long as you cop to it. Go ahead and be a snooty smartass if it makes you happy—just be sure it actually does make you happy before you pass up on the Neanderthals who just might know something you don’t.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
You don’t usually like disturbing the sanctity of an untouchable crush. You prefer those unattainable lovelies stay in that beautifully pure, unrequited state, so you can project all your lofty ideals onto the unknowable cute stranger. But let’s just suppose for a second that you might someday risk rocking your fantasy boat by actually making a move on your dreamy object of desire. If that’s the case, this is your week. I’m not saying she’ll go for it—so think hard before you catapult your crush off her pedestal and into your life—but your chances are better this week than they will be for months—maybe years—to come.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
There’s an intruder in your emotional house. He probably snuck in through an upper-story window you thought was inviolate, while you were purring in the sunshine downstairs. Later, of course, you’ll have to consider new ways to make your spiritual sanctuary more impregnable, but your top priority right now is getting rid of your unwanted visitor, using whatever’s on hand—fire extinguisher, frying pan, knitting needles. In the future, remember this week’s important lesson: Although it may be simpler to separately invoke the ferocious predator and cuddly kitten parts of you, one can’t exist without the other.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Most people would be astonished at the secret pockets of corny sentimentality that lurk beneath your hard, outer pragmatism; soggy little valleys of perplexing emotion sunk between treeless peaks of magnificent ambition and achievement. Yet, would you be surprised to learn that those who are most drawn to you suspect—and hope for—these sweet bogs of feeling? They dream of being the fearless discoverers who’ll map these uncharted territories. Before the latest slightly-less-than-intrepid explorer turns back at the sight of the seemingly insurmountable mountains of your outer edges, send her a hint (of the dove-with-olive-branch variety) of the wetland paradise hidden within.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
It’s not too late to catch spring fever (especially for you Libras, who are usually quite susceptible). You may think last year’s events somehow inoculated you against the pleasurable lack of judgment that often accompanies this “ailment,” but it didn’t do more than up your resistance. Why would you want to keep from contracting this bit of intoxicating madness? Since you’ll need a little of that wild and crazy energy to get off the sidelines finally, and into the game, you’d better figure out how to come down with a serious case, and fast, or resign yourself to being an alternate the whole season.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Ditch the damn skull-and-crossbones label. You’ve been letting all this dark-Scorpio-demigod hype go to your head. Just because people make the sign of the cross when they find out you’re a Scorp doesn’t mean you’re all that (it just means they’re idiots). I wouldn’t object to the roguish ‘tude if it weren’t for the seriously good shit circling overhead, looking for a soft place to land. I can’t tell you what it is (only that it’s amazing, along the lines of your own TV show or fabulous inheritance), but you’re never going to find out unless you let your gooey, tender side outshine the stupendous badass side for a while.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Kill the overkill. It’s all about subtlety. Release your crash of assault rhinoceri, give your bevy of sexy girl ninjas a week off, and plug in your laser-equipped, mind-controlled robots for a long overdue recharge. Entering this week’s peace talks with that kind of firepower would only count against you. Of course, if having all those ferocious resources go to waste is too galling, you can put them to work in other ways: Set up the robots to calculate your buddy’s taxes. Get your beasts to come up with a better aphrodisiac than the ground-up rhinoceros horn that’s put their species in danger (ninjette sweat, bottled, might just do the trick). Just make sure you enter the conversation ready to negotiate, not attack, and you’ll do just fine.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Wearing the clothes you wore decades ago might be retro tongue-in-cheek chic, or it might just be tragic. Before you start reliving a second (or third, or fourth) childhood through your wardrobe, make sure you really have the impudence to pull it off properly. It takes a certain innate hipness to get away with it and not look ridiculous. Get with the times, but remember that you’re not the kid you once were. There’s nothing wrong with staying young-at-heart; simply make sure it’s not at the expense of the wisdom that’s supposed to come with age.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
In so many beautiful ways, you’re virtually unchanged from the daring, innocent, and fearless little boy or girl you once were. Of course, like everyone else on the planet, you’ve been altered by the wounds you’ve suffered, hindered by the scars that resulted, and handicapped by fears you’ve learned to have. When the very foundation of your happiness is besieged by cement-cracking stresses of the screwed-up grown-up world, please don’t forget your one superpower that can turn aside any flood, the supremely childlike skill you’ve managed to preserve most fruitfully: the ability to play.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Buddhist philosopher and writer Thich Nhat Hanh recommends coping with anger as you would a howling baby. Although you might be tempted to pile blankets on top of it until you can’t hear it anymore, you’d never actually do that to a real infant. Why have you confined your rage to an internal red-light realm of grudges you can barely acknowledge, let alone release? Don’t lock away your fury. Gently pick up your anger. Figure out what’s making it cry. It’s been too long since you tenderly gave yourself the space to identify the obstacles (mostly incensed emotions) that are keeping you from greater happiness. Once you actually take a good look at them, you’ll be surprised at how easy it is to climb over or around them.
Aries (March 21-April 19)