Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
The travelogue of your week: “The first five days we swerved around twisting, narrow mountain roads. We were constantly rewarded with stunning scenic views and the satisfaction of navigating challenging terrain with ease, but we didn’t get very far, as the crow flies. Just as we emerged from the foothills at week’s end, the stereo died, but we’d just hit the highway, which was straight and flat and pierced the distant horizon. It was our chance to really make some headway, so we said, ‘Screw having a stereo,’ rolled down the windows, gunned the engine, and sang.”
Aries (March 21-April 19)
You’d love to ride into your high school reunion on a magnificent albino elephant, preceded by beautiful people strewing rose petals in your path and followed by a caravan of harem beauties, admirers, reflected glory-cravers, and general hangers-on. Once there, according to your long-embellished fantasies, you’d distribute bejeweled keepsakes and copies of your bestselling biography to your stunned ex-classmates. Your backup plans (Nobel, Oscar, or marriage to foreign royalty) are almost as unlikely. It’s good to have grandiose dreams. But the next few weeks are about recognizing the difference between flights of fancy and those ambitions (which are significantly impressive in and of themselves) you can actually achieve.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
I hope you’ve been taking a yoga class or at least doing some morning stretching, because you’re in grave need of some resilient flexibility this week. Since you’ve so effectively padded your booty, protecting yourself from outside butt-booting, the only person left to give you a helpful kick in the ass is you. You’re on the verge of freeing yourself from slavery of one kind or another, and no one else can help. Since your liberation depends on your ability to keep moving, I recommend repeatedly kicking your own ass into gear from now until the moment you’re finally free.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
People joke about your split personality, but secretly they’re impressed. Unlike some other duality-embracing signs, your inner diversity doesn’t slow you down. You’re capable of encompassing contradiction without getting bogged down grappling with indecision. However, despite your phenomenal talent for swift and shrewd choices, I’m begging you to slow down. Impulsively choosing a path would be as bad as over-thinking it (another mistake to avoid). Some of your possible roads lead to unfinished bridges or thick, impassable barriers. Take a minute or three to really consider which way is best; despite the delay, it’s bound to be quicker than having to retrace your steps.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Someone dissected your teddy bear and revealed that deep within its fuzzy softness was a sparkling chunk of cold, unyielding diamond. Ouch; so your anthropomorphized comfort toy is much more hardhearted than you ever imagined. Naturally, being the pragmatist you are, it wouldn’t take you long to visit a jeweler and get an appraisal to see how much it’s worth. How does that relate to this week’s truth? Looking inside a treasure from childhood—real or in memory form—may alter your sentimental perception of it forever, but could also be of incalculable value to your present moment.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Some scientists believe that early Man’s partnership with wolves may have given our species the edge over the brawnier Neanderthals. It certainly makes sense; by all accounts early homo sapiens were smaller and frailer than homo neanderthalensis, and possibly not as intelligent in certain ways. Now that your survival is as tenuous as that of our ancient ancestors, consider duplicating their strategy to deal with your adversary, who’s bigger, stronger or faster than you: They teamed up with packs of efficient killers in a mutually beneficial arrangement that has survived millennia. This week, pick your allies as well as they did, and you’ll kick ass too.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Your ruling planet, Mercury, also presides over your magnetically attractive cousins, the Geminis. That fast-moving planet confers on them a manic changeability and flightiness, while you’re usually gifted with an excess of energy that you divert into more diverse pursuits than seems humanly possible. Unfortunately, that hyper-productivity is about to shift over into hyperactivity. While the Gems will be blessed with a focus and direction that they usually lack, you could end up so busy bouncing between all those activities that completing a single one will be almost impossible. It’s priority-setting time. Accept the fact that you’ll only be able to actually finish a fraction of your usual workload. Now decide which handful stays on your To-do list and which truckload gets lost.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Focused attention on the path and not the destination is exactly where it’s at for you Libras this week. That’s not always true: When tightrope-walking, for instance, it’s best to keep your eyes on where you’re headed; looking down can only lead to disaster. But when navigating through a murky bog, rife with snakes, gators, and pits of stinking sludge, paying attention to where you put your feet is vital. Go ahead and keep your endpoint in sight and be sure to head in that general direction; however, make sure each step along the way is as stable and solid as you can find.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Public opinion regarding your sign is flying so high, it’d be hard to find a jury to convict you of the crimes your tribemates are traditionally accused of. In the past year, your astrological brethren have remade the Scorpio image more successfully than any high-paid PR firm ever could. You’ve shaken past impressions that you’re petty, vicious, and poisonous. Now, you’re a thoughtful, sensitive, and powerful warrior with the courage to stand by your convictions. Of course, the public is fickle. This week, you have the opportunity to perform another locally great deed, and solidify your upstanding new image. Or not—if you’re feeling a bit trapped, you could skip the good deed, wait for opinion to turn, then whip out your sting.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Dislike can be objective, but more often it stems from something I call The Mirror Effect: your own worst facets reflected in someone else. It’s painful to be around someone who constantly reminds you of your shortcomings. Surmounting this knee-jerk reaction requires a conscious act of will, along with a widened margin of self-acceptance. You have some amazing incentive to overcome your aversion to reflections of your own worst traits, since those you hate the most can be your best allies this week—and, depending on how well you transcend your judgment, possibly for a long time to come.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Mourning an idea (especially a treasured illusion) can be subtly similar to grieving for a beloved friend. When forced to let go of a mental crutch, you could experience stages of lamentation that resemble denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and, finally, acceptance. Does acknowledging the reality of that process help you get through it? Maybe not, but knowing what to expect can at least keep you from picking up the discarded crutch and bringing it back to life to help you avoid the suffering caused by its necessary loss. Limp onwards, baby. It’s only for a little while: Once you accept your life sans crutch, you’ll be able to fly.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Tradition sucks. Thanks for being courageous or desperate enough to break free of limiting ideas about “how things are done.” You know better. Last time, you followed all the rules and the situation still blew up in your face. You’re justifiably bored with that illusion of predictability. It may be much scarier being a pioneer into emotional frontier land, but that’s all that’s left. Now it’s just you and the truth of how it’s been all along: You can never know what to expect, despite what you’re taught or told. Don’t be afraid, venturing into that unknowable landscape. Be thrilled.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)