Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Let it get scary. I know, scary doesn’t exactly fit in with your view of a harmonious and sweet life. But it should; because when things start getting really close and really real, they also get at least a little terrifying. Don’t settle for mediocre pleasantry, not when the real deal is so close you can touch it. It may seem like trouble—hell, it may even be trouble. But take my word that it’s the good kind of trouble, the type that stirs things up and whose silver lining is so magnificent it soon outshines the black thunderhead that preceded it. Stop running, or if you can’t do that, do this: When you see the good kind of trouble, run towards it.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Don’t focus on the rare occasions when people have complained of having to walk on eggshells around you, or that you’re too sensitive. For your own sake and theirs, focus on your incomparable compassion. I’ve never seen you reject someone for his or her weaknesses, flaws, or vulnerabilities. Although it’s unfair that anyone should cite your sensitivity as cause for wariness, let it go. What people need from you right now is openheartedness. If it helps you get to that place, know this: most of the time when people criticize others, they’re actually, in some way, talking about themselves.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Screw the New Age jargon. That’s bullshit. I’d rather give it to you straight; the bartender’s closing time advice. So, sit down: We both know you’re great; in fact, your shine is turned up a little brighter than it’s been in ages. But that ego… the bottom line is, it’s getting in the way of the final evolutionary step of your current head-trip. The moment you accept that the only person whose world revolves around you is you—as unjust as that surely is—will be the moment you can finally let yourself have what you’ve wanted all along.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
In Edgar Allen Poe’s The Tell-tale Heart, the narrator is moved to confess his murderous crime by the sound, real or imagined, of his victim’s heart, beating from beneath the floorboards where he’s hidden it. Your own flooring’s been talking too, and not just with the noise of your annoying downstairs neighbor. Is it a colony of mice? Or is it your guilty conscience, throbbing with pangs of your own? It doesn’t matter that your “crime” is minor, and may not be a crime at all, except in your mind. What matters is that you clean up the messes that the vermin, furry or emotional, are living off of.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
In your eagerness to shirk definitions—even the expansive ones accompanying your Gemini-ness—you’ve recently missed out on opportunities that could only spring from concrete self-knowledge. You know, it’s not such a bad idea to occasionally nail down what you’re all about—it gives you an idea of what you have left to transcend. Whether you read up on your astrological birthright, your enneagrammatical placement, or your 4-letter personality type, this week attach a definition to what you’re supposed to be about. Then and only then can you get a loose grip on who you actually are.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
You could try wearing a crocheted hippy pouch equipped with crystals, sacred herbs, and fluorescent rabbits’ feet. You could paper your walls with tinfoil, and submit to self-imposed house arrest. You could employ legions of voodoo witches, bone women, and snake oil salesmen. But I wouldn’t recommend any of these methods of curse-deflection, however necessary that may seem this week, not when a virtually guaranteed curse-dodging technique is available: See, esoteric phenomena like curses feed on your belief in them (thus all the aforementioned methods only make them more effective). Therefore, your best bet is: don’t acknowledge its existence. In fact, even paying this much attention to it is dangerous. Walk away, right now, and never mention the damn thing again.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
So far, you think there’s simply no such thing as too much of a good thing. Unfortunately, this week carries a slightly harsh lesson on how magnificent blessings can come with unpleasant repercussions. So that this week’s lucky breaks don’t catch you off guard, here’s an example of what I mean: Imagine having to choose between the once-in-a-lifetime job opportunity you’ve waited years for and the person you’re madly in love with. Even if the choice seems obvious, you may wish you never had to make it. Do yourself a favor, though. Blessings require enjoyment; once you’ve made your decision, milk the path you’ve chosen for all it’s worth, and let go of the one you had to leave behind.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
What would it take to hold your interest, Virgo? Should your lover develop multiple personality disorder to keep you entertained, or take up employment as a secret agent, circus performer, or mad scientist just so you’re never bored with them? Is the secret to keeping you around that we should run away from you, but not so fast that you can’t keep up? Hell if I know. But I’m sure of one thing; once you figure out the answers to these questions, the odds go way up that someone else might actually get them, too.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
The mutant X-man Cyclops must wear a ruby visor to shield people from the devastating force of a concussive beam that’s constantly blasting from his eyes. Sounds a bit like your recently discovered new superpower, eh? You’ve long been aware of the healing potential of your loving attention, but you’ve never before brandished such might when it comes to tearing down people’s walls, almost without trying. This ability hasn’t consistently shown before because you weren’t ready to wisely wield it. Now, you are—just barely. Your greatest challenge in the weeks to come will be learning when to don your version of the ruby visor and when to take it off.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Although your lovers are drawn to you because of the exciting possibility of the tender, deep, real, intense passion you offer, they’re not as consistently brave as you are. Sometimes—like this week, they can’t take so much unremitting intensity. I’m sure you’re familiar with the potent desire to feel safe, secure, and taken care of. What may surprise you is how good you can be at providing that sanctuary. Since the one you adore needs that more than anything right now, can’t you lay off the intensity for a while and give it to them?
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Misery can be hilarious, even when you totally feel bad for the one suffering it; give a housecat a bath to know what I mean. And just like bathing the family pet, it’s occasionally your lot to inflict absolutely necessary misery on another being. Even though you can’t help occasionally meting out a bit of well-intentioned torment, you can also make it your constant aim to mitigate that anguish. For instance, after his wretched bathtime, my dog gets an extended towel rubdown and a play session so long that by the time we’re done he’s completely forgotten what started the whole thing in the first place.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
You know those questionable desires you sent to hibernate for the winter, like bears? Unfortunately, bears don’t actually hibernate—and neither do your cravings. They may hunker down in cold weather and survive on stored fat, but eventually they’ll emerge from their caves, cranky, stinking, and hungry. What to do? You can’t simply let them go on a rampage, wreaking havoc with your life, eating the people you’re closest to. Nor can you happily kill them, confine them to a zoo for people to gawk at, or dress them up and make them ride unicycles to accordion music for loose change. Your mistake has been to try to keep that desire (which is perfectly natural, like a bear) in chains. Set it free. I bet it will either run away before it gets you in trouble or find a happy place in the natural order of your life.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)