Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
It’s rare when affairs of the heart fall in line with those of the brain. That is, we can often tell what’s best for ourselves, but fail to follow it. You know how it goes: “If only I could fall in love with so and so; they adore me!” This week, miraculously, that isn’t your problem. Count yourself very lucky. Emotion and logic working together is an uncommon and beautiful thing. While you have them both in the same car agreeing on a destination, don’t hesitate. Slam the gas pedal to the floor and go, go go!
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
I wish I could consistently heap blessings and benedictions on you, Sag. But I fear shattering my dubious credibility by telling you what you want to hear, even when it’s not probable. Besides, if I did that, it would rob some of the deliciousness from those moments when I can share something positive with you, like this week. Don’t expect the ground to shake or fireworks inside your head—it’s not one of those momentous milestone kind of weeks. But do expect brief little tastes of sweetness from unexpected places—like strangers giving you candy that you want to eat.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Even though your rivals are lining up to take a swing at you, don’t freak. Let them. It’s good to let your adversaries blow off steam in your direction occasionally. It allows them to vent their emotions before they build to even more unreasonable levels, and you get to check that your own actions and intentions are still on the up-and-up. Set up the dunking booth so that those with valid points get what they deserve: to see you take a fall—if only into four feet of water. It’s no biggie; accept the few minor tumbles with grace and you’ll have every right to ask for the same privilege—to be able to investigate and critique your opponents. They probably won’t grant it to you, but it’ll be a long time before those hypocrites come your way looking for trouble again.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
It’s not that you’re not getting enough attention. It’s that you’re getting all the wrong kinds of attention. Perhaps your methods are partly to blame. Who do you think is going to be drawn to you by your flashiest knife-juggling unicycle stunts? There are a lot of amazing people—the kind of people you’d love to be fawning over you—who are eager to be appreciative of your fine sense of adventure. Want the geniuses and stellar elite of the world to notice you? You can run circles around the circles they run in—but first you’ve got to get in. Don’t worry, you absolutely can. First step—shift the tangent of your exploits: less flash, more substance.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Maybe you don’t need this advice. Maybe you’ve already decided to spend Thanksgiving on soft, giant pillows, smoking from a hookah with a group of your best friends. Maybe you’re planning on spending Christmas scuba diving and New Year’s having an intense book discussion circle. You probably already believe in the concept of “more than one way to do things.” Just in case, let me remind you—clinging to tradition is okay, but you’ll get far more out of experimenting with creating new traditions that are tailored to fit the life you want to lead.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Many Aries snored through History classes in high school and college. While I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume your disinterest reflects your passionate involvement in the all-important present moment, I’d like to redirect your attention to recent history—let’s say the last five years or so. Ignoring or denying the past isn’t quite the same as simply not dwelling in it. You’d do well to brush up on some relevant facts and dates so you can avoid the harsh mistakes made by other people (and even yourself) before. This week, spend a little time studying. Trust me, the other way to learn this lesson is much, much harder.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
So far this Fall you’ve majored in compromise with a minor in patience, despite your initial desire for a double-major in phenomenal success and liberated fame. Although waiting for what you want and then settling for something less isn’t exactly what you had in mind when you enrolled, it seems to be all you’re eligible for now. I don’t need to tell you to grab what you can while you can; you’ve already made that decision. But don’t give up on your high hopes. So you only got into community college this semester. Come Spring, even the Ivy League will be knocking down your door.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
It’s lucky you screwed up; your crush was nearly convinced you were out of their league. S/he’d never aspire to date someone of your apparent perfection; you’d been so successful at disguising your flaws that s/he felt outclassed. Luckily for both of you, you slipped up, revealing your humanity, making you (ironically) all the more perfect for them. It’s not about flaunting your minor imperfections, but don’t bother hiding them. They’re what make you accessible, lovable, and wonderfully real. We don’t want the plastic veneer of the airbrushed you—we want the real skin and bones underneath.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
There’s something comforting about bounty. Enter a bakery. Loaves upon golden loaves of steaming, fresh-baked bread infuse you with a serenity you can’t explain—it’s not like you could personally eat most of that bread before it became inedible. But it’s good practice to surround yourself with copiousness, to remind yourself that you exist in an economy of abundance, not scarcity. In case you’ve forgotten, food and money and stuff aside—the things that mean the most to you are available in more than sufficient amounts. That’s right—there’s plenty of love, affection, and sex to go around.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Your request for special treatment hit Fairy Godmother HQ and made a big splash. They thought it was hilarious; within minutes it’d been faxed, Xeroxed and emailed to every division. Even fabled princesses had to obey some rules (“the chariot reverts to pumpkin at midnight”). Your memo demanding an unprecedented extension on your spiritual evolution deadline was funny enough. When you added the bit about needing some leeway on the Love Potion Limit, you had godmothers busting seams and rolling around on the floor knocking over wand stands. But your post-script about desperately needing just one extra wish this year turned tears of hilarity to those of sadness, and prompted this response: “Thanks for all the fun, but if you haven’t figured out this year that you have the power to grant your own wishes, we’re sorry to have failed you so badly.”
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
As much as you’d love to be as uncomplicated and wholesome as a character from a classic family film (and you do manage to pull off the Mary Poppins thing every once in a while) life is simply too messy to let you stay in that mode for long. Besides, it’s unrealistic to expect that of yourself. You can’t be sweet, generous, wise, and optimistic all the time. Trying to would be just as bad as letting yourself wallow too long in one of your more dismal moods. Since you’re likely to run the gamut of outlooks from Pollyanna to Grinch, go with it.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
You are so lucky, only you don’t know it. I’m not talking the kind of luck where you simply avoid accidents through happy happenstances. I’m referring to discovering the unlocked back door to the local candy factory, finding a winning lottery ticket, or stumbling upon your long-lost stepsister. The only problem is, these things aren’t being presented to you on silver platters or even in your line of sight. The doors and windows of opportunity are opening—once you’ve stepped past them. My only tips: don’t rush, take lots of side-trips, and look over your shoulder as often as possible.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)