Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Most people think in words, carrying on an internal dialogue with themselves as a way of understanding reality. But that’s not the only way. People who are born Deaf, for example, seem to think more effectively in images, and only learn thinking in words as a second language, if at all. Computers “think” in numbers. You have an incredible capacity to express yourself and understand different modes of expression this week. Try learning a new way of thinking and articulating your thoughts. Talk in circles, think in spirals, or calculate the square root of your relationships.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Even deposed kings and queens still have to work for a living, according to members of the International Monarchist League. Admittedly, some have retained private means, but many have had to take up professions like real estate or insurance. There’s not much room left in the world for royalty, my dear. Think about that one the next time you want to act like a tyrant. You may not be more than one unpopular decree from a revolution. And you thought being queen was all glamour and worshipful subjects! Nope: Being royal still means walking on eggshells or across flaming coals a lot of the time–-you just get to do it in nicer shoes.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
What you’re feeling now is the pain of labor. You’re giving birth to a wild new idea with a life of its own. You could painlessly bring it into the world now while it’s still small and helpless, but it’ll be as ugly as a newborn kangaroo (they resemble wet pink erasers), and need as much care and nurture to survive in this harsh world. Or you could carry it in your head and quietly allow it to develop there until it finally, painfully drops into this life like an open-eyed, furry little baby goat, able to walk (and play) on its own within minutes. The choice is yours!
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
In my other life as a perennial world traveler, I’ve encountered some pretty crazy situations. But it’s not the surreal extremes of my wanderings that have changed me the most. It’s how widely people’s perceptions of reality differ from place to place. Staying too long in one location, my reality collapses to tunnel vision, until I forget that there’s a whole big wide world out there—or, if that’s too small, a seemingly infinite universe beyond that! Feel too contained by your current reality? Imagine who you could be in the Australian Outback, or India, or as a Martian colonist. You are also all those people–-be them. Your local reality will accommodate you, I promise.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
For every new idea you learn or think up, fresh synapses are physically created in your brain to accommodate it. Research on the effects of LSD shows that it drastically changes the shape of your brain, as it rapidly generates new synapses by the thousands. This ably demonstrates how ideas and information can actually have physical weight, substance, and energy, however slight. Even reading this paragraph is permanently altering the structure of your brain. Pretty cool, huh? Luckily for you, new ideas are as common as cockroaches this week, and your brain will never look the same.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
“I’m King of the Slide!” proclaimed one diminutive eight-year-old at the playground. He stood at the top of the slide, arms raised, filled with royal triumph–-until those coming up the ladder shoved him backwards down the slide. This week will be filled with moments like this for you. You, too, can ferociously hang on while you’re pushed and your fingers are pried from the edge. You may be able to maintain your grip, but you might want to consider accepting your fate with dignity and grace. It’s only a short walk around and back up the ladder, and by next week, no one should stand in your way.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Do you remember the moment when you first realized the school bully was an insecure and unhappy human being, and perhaps experienced a second of compassion? Or that your parents were actually people, not just Mom and Dad? At least three two-dimensional characters in your life (like your mail carrier or landlord) will reveal an interesting third (or fourth or fifth) dimension of their lives to you this week. You might be shocked to discover that some people you thought knew you well only see a flat paper cut-out of you, and need enlightening themselves.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
If you stick unripe bananas in a paper bag with a sweet, brown-speckled one, the green bunch will turn yellow and ready-to-eat more quickly. I don’t know why it works, but there’s a delicious parallel to this process that applies specifically to you. Maturation by association–-it’s been so evident in you that I have to applaud your choice in the company you’ve kept lately. While I know you’re blessed with eternal youthfulness, that shouldn’t keep you from developing the most powerful traits of age: foresight, sensitivity, and wisdom, all gleaned from the mistakes and successes of your (and your friends’) past experiences.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
If your life were an actual road trip, (instead of a metaphorical one) you might feel as if you were headed for a town called Truth or Consequences, New Mexico, Lost, Minnesota, or Uncertain, Texas. But your feeling would be wrong. Things are not so dire as that! While you’re not headed for a place as wonderful as Carefree, Arizona, Little Heaven, Delaware, or Utopia, Florida, I do have a feeling that the stretch of highway you’re navigating leads to someplace that’s good for you, maybe Rocky Comfort, Arkansas, Happy Valley, Hawaii, or Good Hope, Maryland.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Even with your eyes closed, you’ll make at least half the three-pointers you shoot at the garbage can this week. Approximately a third of your casual flirtations could result in an invitation home. Fully three-quarters of your work will pass your boss’s inspection on the first try. Some points to ponder: How successful would you be if you actually looked at what you were aiming at? Keep your eyes open when throwing something away, be it paper, plastic, or person. Don’t flirt unless you’re willing to put out. And, do everything right the first time, since no one is going to make you do it again.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Irritable much? This week, we crown you Queen Brat. Even though you’ll order us beheaded, or simply bite our heads off yourself, we ought to accord you the status you so often yield to those bossy Leos, Aries or even those spoiled Pisces. Every so often you erupt like a dormant volcano, and all who stand in the flow of your molten anger had better watch out. Like a human Vesuvius, you’ve got so much power seething just below your usually placid surface. Don’t resist your rage if it boils over this week; you’ll give yourself an ulcer. But try not to incinerate anyone–-you might need them later.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
The wizened sage meditated on the stony spire of the mountain. It occurred to her that there had been no Seekers for many moons. They used to come looking for knowledge, advice, compassion. She was lonely. Contemplating the serpentine path down the perilous slope, fear and dread filled her. She amazed herself with an open mouth hollering down the mountainside, seeking aid from those who lived below. Your friends—those simple, loveable, thick-ankled peasants—have wisdom you’ve been overlooking. Now that you suddenly don’t have all the answers (only quite a few), I hope you’re willing to ask the village idiots for a few of the missing pieces.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)