Maui Time

Sign Language: Get your ass up, Virgo!

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Don’t be such a wimp! You’re like someone who goes snowboarding for the first time, then wakes up sore the next day and decides, “This is not for me.” Of course things will hurt when you’re trying something new. This is the equivalent of exercising muscles you’ve rarely used before. I can’t believe you’re willing to give up this easily. I won’t let you, and I hope there are at least a few other people in your life who will push you to keep at it. Get your ass up! Stretch, work out the kinks, and then get right back to whatever it was you were doing to give yourself such an awesome workout.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Recognize that determination will only take you so far. I’m a big fan of mind over matter and an “anything’s possible” attitude, but sometimes you just have to face a big old reality check and admit that something or someone might simply be out of your league (at the very least, right now). If you want to build yourself up to reach new heights, you’ve got to make sure your foundation is solid enough to handle it, or you’ll collapse, regardless of your will to succeed. Take it down a few notches and check on your foundation. Is it cracked? Is it big enough and strong enough to hold you up as you grow? If not, spend this week (and perhaps much longer) working on it before you even contemplate reaching for the heavens.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Scars are not all that define us as individuals, but the wounds we recovered from do play a large part in determining who we are. Thus they should be honored, and, if possible, cherished. Suffering, in the right quantities, can breed incredible, inspiring people. This is not to say you shouldn’t try to ease others’ suffering whenever you can. You should always do your best in this regard; life is hard enough! But when you simply can’t make someone’s troubles go away, you can take comfort in the fact that if they survive their woes, they’ll ultimately be better off for it.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Ants follow scent messages left by their sisters as they carry out their daily labors. You, too, are following secret signals that you might not even be consciously aware of. Luckily, I believe you to have far more capacity than an ant to become conscious of them, and choose how you’ll react to them, instead of just blindly heeding them. This week, try to take note of how many of your decisions you make without really thinking about them. This is not to say you should endlessly deliberate over every little thing. But actually noticing your decisions is the first step towards being able to assess whether they’re smart ones or not.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

When presented with a choice between two kinds of competitions – one a straightforward race, where the fastest person gets the prize, and the other something more devious, which involves analysis, manipulation, and even deviousness – most signs would unequivocally choose one over the other every time. Not you sly Capricorns. Asked to select a preference between those two possibilities, your answer would assuredly be: “Whichever one I’m more likely to win.” Unfortunately, you can’t know that ahead of time in this case, so think of it like this: Run the race whose winner you would ultimately respect more.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

When it comes right down to it, you do what you’ve got to do. You may turn up your nose, at first, to some of the necessities but once you’ve decided they’re necessities, you roll up your sleeves and get to them. Stranded in the middle of nowhere, you’d do what you had to do to survive, even if it meant hunting squirrels for their meat and pelts. We’d find you a couple years down the line garbed all in grey gnawing on a tiny rodent leg quite happily. The situation you’re faced with is one of those: rife with unpleasant necessities. You already know how adaptable you are once you’ve jumped into a situation; the delay is usually while you’re still on the brink. Go on, get it over with. Leap and adapt, already.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

These people mean business. They don’t mess around. You don’t think of yourself as someone who does, but by their standards, you may simply be too vague, non-committal, and ultimately too flaky to count on – unless you step it up. Can you do that, Pisces? Or are you so attached to your ways of doing things that you’ll let an opportunity like this pass you by? Intentions mean squat if you can’t follow through on them. Ultimately, this is a question you’ll always have to face. We know you can talk a big game – but can you, realistically, live up to it?

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Everyone’s on board with your plan – everyone except the one person you’d most like to be on board. Because almost all of us love your plan, we’re praying that you don’t throw it all away for this one person. You’re prone to extravagant melodramatic gestures like that, sometimes. It’d be an awfully dumb thing to do just because one person won’t (or, more likely, can’t) get on board right now. Please move forward with your excellent idea. That special person may or may not ever climb on board, but at least give them a chance by actually setting sail.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

This week is an exercise in patience and maturity – specifically, yours. You’re likely to be subject to a variety of obnoxious and inappropriate behaviors. These aren’t plots to undermine or destroy your peace of mind, but rather incredibly inept and desperate pleas for attention. Can you be the one adult in a sea of emotional teenagers? Or will you complain that it’s not fair? (It isn’t, but that’s just the way it is.) How generous and forgiving can you be? Can you rise above the annoyance and give those in question some of the tolerant, insightful attention they sorely need? They won’t thank you for it, probably – but the rest of us will.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Playing rock, paper, scissors may not be the best way to decide something, but at least something would get decided. Short of some kind of intervention, some of us fear that you’ll never come to any sort of point here.  I know you’d rather arrive at some kind of intelligent decision that’s less random than simply flipping a coin. But at least that way, you’d finally reach some sort of conclusion, instead of endless wavering as you have been for… how long now? Weeks? Months? Years? Way too long. Flip a coin already. Any decision is better than none.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Where will you choose to see (and show) the most beauty? In the big picture and the long view, or in the details? Do you want a portrait taken from far away, with Vaseline on the lens? Or do you want an extreme close-up, with emphasis on all the details, even if they seem like “imperfections?” If you present the former to the world, you’re likely to get lots of admirers but few, if any, will stick around once they get close enough to see the stuff that got left out of that image. The latter, however, might not net you any admirers at all, unless you find someone who’s able to see beauty in those details. Of course, that’s the kind of person you ultimately want to find, right?

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Keep things simple. You’ve always had an appreciation for simplicity and forthrightness, and tend to possess those qualities yourself. Yet somehow you still end up entangled in nets of obfuscation, vagueness, and manipulation. Extricate yourself from that kind of bullshit, Leo, and the lame people intent on keeping you tangled up in them and more or less holding you back. They’re ultimately not worth your time, and should be left behind as soon as reasonably possible. Find the people who are as direct, honest, and clear as you are. You’ll appreciate them. What’s more, they’ll appreciate you.

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