Aries (March 21-April 19)
Use your inside voice, Aries. Now is not to the time to enthusiastically proclaim to the heavens and the entire neighborhood–well, anything. Keep all of that stuff to yourself at the moment. A little intriguing mystery can go a long way, and even though many people (including myself) find it endearing how you wear your heart on your sleeve, it doesn’t always behoove you to show that off. So, mum’s the word, my exuberant friend. Wait until people are clamoring (or even begging) to find out what’s going on inside you. Believe me, it won’t take long.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Don’t be a tourist this week, Taurus. Tourists storm a city for a day or a week, see “all” the sights, then split. They rarely veer from their guidebooks, and never penetrate the surface of a place (or the people there), except, occasionally, by accident. I expect more from you then that, especially as you’re never satisfied with the merely superficial. So why would you settle for that now? Sure, it’d take a lot more effort, time, and energy from you to crack the veneer you’re being presented with. But you’re not especially lazy, at least when you know the rewards are worth it. Well, baby, these are.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Backwards is the new forwards. It’s true; not only will straight lines and linear routes not get you to your destination, they’re likely to carry you further from it this week. Weirdly, this is what your oft-ignored intuition has been saying, but you’ve steamrolled over it in favor of cold hard logic lately, which, unfortunately for you, is dead wrong. Trust your gut. Your best move right now may be to back off or even head in the opposite direction from your apparent goal. You don’t necessarily need to move incredibly far or fast, but creating some space between you and what you want might be all you need, ironically, to bring it within reach.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Just roll over and show your belly. You’re done with fighting, aren’t you? Well, here’s the solution: give ground. Surrender. You’ll probably be surprised by how pleasurable and easy it is, and not as much of a sacrifice as you’re making it out to be. You’ll certainly, overall, be better off. Of course, if you don’t like my answer, you can keep up your futile struggle and wallow along in pointless misery. But just admit: aren’t you doing so out of principle and stubbornness, not out of any real passion for “the cause,” whatever that might be?
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Do it right. Half-assed jobs won’t cut it anymore. And when you’re looking to bring something or someone new into your life, go for quality. It might cost you more (on a few levels), but only in the short run. In the long run, redoing what you’ve done, or acquiring multiple replacements for the crappy version you got, will cost you more time, energy and money, and cause you a lot of grief, besides. I know it’s hard to justify going those extra lengths–but only when you’re shortsighted. In the big picture, going for anything but the best is simply a mistake.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
It’s like your beloved, carefully-tended garden got invaded by mushrooms. The fungi are virtually immune to weed-killers; whatever would destroy them would also wreak havoc on the plants you actually want there. So something has polluted whatever you’d planned. Fighting it, however, isn’t the answer, as there’s no realistic way to do so. Why not accept it? Most mushrooms won’t actually hurt a garden (except aesthetically) and neither will this visitor into your life (no matter how unwelcome). Can you accept what you can’t change? Or would you rather throw away the entire garden, plants and all?
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
This week’s surprise: you may be able to still use crumbled, broken, or burnt bridges to cross rivers. Sure, the path isn’t as smooth and easy or perhaps pleasurable as it once was, but it’s not impossible. Maybe the years, instead of washing away the remnants of that once-glorious span, have heaped upon it so much debris that the river is traversable again. Perhaps whoever’s on the other side has been secretly repairing the thing, opening the way to a renewed connection. Maybe you’re surprised that you even want that connection–but you do, don’t you? If there’s even a chance that some good will come of it, this week’s the time to find out.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Personally, I don’t care how often you delude yourself, or how badly. That’s your shit, and your business. When I start giving a crap is when your self-trickery affects those who are counting on you to be what you say you’ll be, and do what you say you’ll do. It sucks for them when all those promises are based on an illusion you can’t let go of, or carry through with when the time comes. They’re left up Shit Creek, paddle-less, while you race downstream out of sight, waving apologetically. That’s when I get pissed off. You have a many tireless advocates and admirers (including me). But If you don’t come through this time around, don’t count on many of them sticking around.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Stop sweating it out. You’re acting crazy, and most unlike yourself, skulking in your hiding place like a scared little mouse and waiting to see if the cat’s noticed you yet. Where did you learn that kind of caution or fear? Unlearn it, fast. We need you bold and outrageous. We need you seeking and speaking the truth, without dreading the consequences. So come out, come out, wherever you are. You know you’d be discovered, sooner or later–your hiding place isn’t that good. So why now come charging out of it now, while you still have your pride, rather than be dragged out of it later, without?
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Get tied up this week, Cap. You need to lose control, badly, and I’m afraid the only way you’ll do it is by having no choice. Let someone else have their way with you. Let them push you a little, stretch you a bit. You’ve gotten a bit stiff and inflexible in recent months. I know you know someone with just the right mix of compassion, mischief, and a streak of sadism. Let them do you some good (and have fun in the process). You should know by now that you don’t always know what’s best for you (even if you do, most of the time). Let someone else know (and do) what’s best for you this week.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Mash it up this week, Aquarius. Originally the term mash-up referred to two or more elements from different pieces of music laid over each other to create something new, but nowadays a mash-up can take this basic concept and apply it to any form of art (Google the Seuss-Poe mash-up, Horton Hears a Heart, for an example). What layers or fragments of your life can you make into something new by combining them in surprising ways? This could involve introducing disparate groups of friends, or bringing your lover home to meet the fam, or sneaking your dog into work, or simply wielding your wicked sense of humor in places it’s never been. I think you’ll be surprised at how well this works.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Look for humor in unexpected places this week, because you’ll be hard-pressed to find it in your usual haunts. You’re just not getting tickled by your old standbys at the moment, so it’s time to seek a few new kicks. I’m not talking about giving the stand-up comedy club a try, but instead finding some heretofore-unexplored form of amusement. A new game to play, perhaps, on whatever level that idea appeals to you. It’s not that your old sources of fun and play have exhausted themselves; it’s just that you need to widen your repertoire ever so slightly. Why object, anyway? When you expand upon what can amuse you, your life can only become more fun, right?
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