Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Sleepwalkers engage in a variety of fairly complex activities and wake up completely unaware of ever having done them. Unfortunately, somnambulism isn’t as much of a get-out-of-jail-free card as you might imagine. Although it’s hardly fair to make someone accountable for things they did while asleep, it’s still likely to make those who are potentially vulnerable to those actions feel uncomfortable, and contemplate escape from the situation. Consider this: evading responsibility for your actions, no matter how good your excuse, may help you elude a hassle—but you may also consequently find yourself a bit lonelier, too.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Going above and beyond the call of duty is expected in a serious relationship (romantic or otherwise). It’s a hallmark of real commitment and intimacy. Failing to come through more than a couple times will provide ample evidence (to some, anyway), that what you have isn’t real (or at least not real enough). This is a tough lesson for Sagittarians, who are used to being unencumbered. However, once you’ve decided to allow someone to depend on you, I hope you have the determination to stick to it, despite the hassle. This week’s challenges should prove edifying, anyway—one way or another.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
You’re not cut out to be “on call.” Of course, if your job requires that kind of thing, you can adapt, but mostly you’re better suited for situations with clear-cut delineations. Either you’re working, or you’re not. Although you’re capable of excelling in a variety of situations, switching gears quickly isn’t your forte. A Gemini thrives on that variety; you suffer through it. Unfortunately, this week is all about your ability to rapidly shift between various different states; your success (and frustration level) is going to rely entirely on how well you pull it off.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Aquarians can hang with the wildest signs in the zodiac, only frequently you take much longer than they do to get to a place where you allow yourself to indulge your most outrageous impulses—sometimes not until it’s too late. Suddenly, you’re dancing on a table with a lampshade on your head, and everyone’s already left the party. Try to take your foot off the brake. By the time you admitted you liked having sex in a tree, it’d be a shame if you were just too old and brittle to actually climb the trees you’d like to fool around in.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
People with oversized senses of entitlement usually get that way because others are unable to communicate and enforce basic boundaries. This is particularly hard to do when dealing with, say, your boss, or someone you want to impress (kicking up a fuss, no matter how justified, rarely impresses). However, by letting someone step all over you, you’re just making the problem worse down the line; the only way to stop the vicious cycle is by drawing a line and forbidding them to step over it, regardless of the (perceived) negative consequences—then stick to your guns.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Life’s not fair. Someone with your exact same job and qualifications might get paid more. Tough shit. Some are born with brains, beauty, and wealth, while others are lucky to score one out of three. That’s life. There’s a place and time for demanding parity—namely, when you have some chance of actually getting it. The rest of the time you’ll just come off as unpleasantly strident, pathetically unrealistic, and childish. This week, your job is to pragmatically determine whether taking a stand or keeping your mouth shut is your best strategy. It’s a trickier distinction than it sounds. If you pick incorrectly, don’t kick yourself. Just learn from the error and move on.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Secrets can be sexy, but once they put someone else in a more than moderately uncomfortable situation, you must come forward and get everything out in the open. Causing some discomfort, depending on the situation, is a socially acceptable price, one that most of your good friends are probably willing to pay. However, once it starts seriously cutting into their fun, forcing them to lie, be deceitful, or get into sketchy situations, you’ve crossed a line. That may be the case this week. If that’s so, please recognize, acknowledge, and ultimately rectify it—probably by spilling the beans.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Learning a new skill takes time—sometimes years or even decades. Of course, that doesn’t suit you impatient Twins. You’re used to picking up many things quickly, being swift learners. However, there’s just some stuff that takes longer than that, and you’ll probably want to give up long before you really get anywhere. You may decide that’s your best bet anyway, but before you throw in the towel, enlist the advice and aid of someone who’s generally much more stubborn or persistent than you, to see if they can help you stick with it long enough to get somewhere.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
In life there are few guarantees. However, there’s some stuff you can count on. If you continue with that course at school, you will get a degree. If you finish this intensive workout program, you will be in better shape. If you stick with your therapist, you will end up (at least a little) wiser and more emotionally secure. Of course, what happens after that is still anyone’s guess. That degree may not help you get a better job. Your hotter body might not get you laid more often. Your hard-won wisdom could make you ultimately happier, but not necessarily. However, it still seems like going for part of a sure thing is better than gambling on what may be nothing. Please stick with it long enough to find out.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Don’t declare your loyalties too early. You’re generally quick to form an opinion, but stepping up and announcing it right away is probably premature, and potentially embarrassing if new information comes to light down the line. Then you’re forced to choose between being loyal or being reasonable—a no-brainer for other signs but a real challenge for you. If you just keep your mouth shut, you’ll be able to change your mind with far less hassle. I know it’s difficult for you not to put forth your two cents, especially because people have come to expect it from you. However, biting your tongue now will make your just desserts go down much more sweetly later.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
You know a human train wreck or two. You know, the kind of person who’d be more popular, successful, and effective if they’d just shut up more. They have a tendency to dig deeper and deeper holes for themselves with every word they say. Usually, you’re helpless to halt the disaster, but this week you should have the ability to nip things in the bud and keep them from getting too out of control, due to the particular position you’re in, or just plain luck. Go for it. You can’t save them from themselves forever, but rescuing them from at least one or two self-induced catastrophes will still feel good.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
I dreamt you had three different jobs, all connected by a secret tunnel that only you knew about, and you’d go straight from one to the next. Each one was more cramped and unpleasant than the one before. You were probably making a ton of money, but you were working so much I wondered if you ever had time to enjoy it. I woke up hoping that at least this was just a temporary situation, and that soon you’d find a way to make it more tenable in the long-term. Keep this in mind this week: putting yourself through a miserable chapter is acceptable; signing on for an indefinitely miserable situation would be a huge mistake.