BEST SNORKELING SPOT
Black Rock
When it comes to snorkeling, the trick is to find a spot where the fish aren’t camera shy and the sea turtles make regular appearances. Our spies tell us this sheltered little nook at the end of Ka`anapali Beach is a hot hang for creatures of the deep that dip and dive around the colorful coral. The place is justifiably popular with the snorkel crowd, who alternate between facedown floating in the gentle waves and belly-up sunning on the powdery sand. Watch for special cameo appearances by eel and octopi.
Runner up: La Perouse Bay (JA)
BEST PLACE TO WATCH BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE
Ka`anapali Beach
Got a smokin’ hot beach body? Or just want to see one? Then Ka`anapali Beach is apparently the place to go to ogle bronze skin and six-pack abs. On a good day, just about any spot between Black Rock and Dig Me Beach is a great place to see sunbathing hotties and hunky surfers, and if you’re lucky you might catch one of these fine specimens rinsing away the salt water under one of the many conveniently located beach showers. Other days, you may have to settle for glimpsing those of us who more closely resemble Halle Berry… on the inside. And please, no flash photography.
Runner up: Big Beach (JA)
BEST BARBECUING BEACH
Ka`anapali Beach
Got a smokin’ hot beach body? Or just want to see one? Then Ka`anapali Beach is apparently the place to go to ogle bronze skin and six-pack abs. On a good day, just about any spot between Black Rock and Dig Me Beach is a great place to see sunbathing hotties and hunky surfers, and if you’re lucky you might catch one of these fine specimens rinsing away the salt water under one of the many conveniently located beach showers. Other days, you may have to settle for glimpsing those of us who more closely resemble Halle Berry… on the inside. And please, no flash photography.
Runner up: Big Beach (JA)
EDIT PICK
BEST WAY TO SEE A VINTAGE 1966 MUSTANG
Maui Classic Cruisers
They may not have the best gas mileage in the world, start up especially quickly in the morning or sport such modern amenities as crumple zones, air bags or seat belts, but their uncompromising style and power turns heads and makes reputations. We’re talking classic cars here, and there’s no better way to shimmy up to one than by meeting up with Maui Classic Cruisers. They meet at the Azeka II lot in front of Peggy Sue’s on the first Saturday of the month. They get there around 6 in the evening, and stay until 9. For more info, check out www.mauicarshows.com. (AP)
BEST SWIMMING BEACH
Baby Beach, Lahaina
Fabulous! Baby Beach is a safe place for the whole family. The whole family that enjoys swimming, that is. We mean, if you don’t like swimming in the warm, clean Pacific, that’s cool, though we can’t help but wonder if maybe your heads are screwed on straight. Anyway, Baby Beach is conveniently located—for Westside people, that is—and has a good reef blocking the waves for the kids.
Runner-up: Ka‘anapali Beach. (MN)
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BEST PLACE TO GET CHECKED OUT BY FAMOUS DUDES
TIE: Keawekapu Beach and Down to Earth
Famous guys check us out all the time. Examples: We were down at Keawekapu Beach, kickin’ it in our teal bikini by Split, scanning the shoreline from behind our oversized Coach shades, when we saw this extremely pale haole guy in elastic waist shorts totally eyeing us up. Who was it? None other than Owen Wilson! Eat that, Kate Hudson! And another time we were exiting Down to Earth in Makawao, looking totally haggard with a baby on our hip when our ex drove by on Makawao Ave., yelling a rude comment from his car. We responded by flipping him off (baby still on our hip). When we went to mutter thanks to the guy holding the door open, it ended up being Woody Harrelson. Classy! Keawekapu Beach: located at the southern end of S. Kihei Road. Down to Earth: 1169 Makawao Ave., 572-1488. (LB)
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BEST PLACE TO FEEL THE POWER OF A PISTOL
Maui Trap & Gun Club
We ladies have always wondered what it’s like. To hold such heat in the palm of your hand, to cock the barrel, point and shoot, watching the explosion fill the sky. And here’s our chance. Owner Art Shepard provides a safe environment for you to blast the hell out of clay pigeons, and is a patient, jovial instructor and guide for you to find your inner ammo. And we ladies also think it sure beats tea on Sundays. Open Wednesday nights and Sundays all day. 499 Hali‘imaile Rd., 572-0689. (SC)
EDIT PICK
BEST SECRET ROMANTIC OCEANLOOK
Punahoa Shoreline Access
In Kihei between Cove Park and the Punahoa vacation rentals is a grass-covered shoreline access. Walk down it towards the water, but just before you tumble over the short cliff that lies at the end of the path, veer to the left. There’s a stone bench just a few steps away that offers an amazing view clear to the West Maui mountains. Just remember to keep your voices down—the people who live in the surrounding condos can get cranky if you wake them up at 2:30 in the morning. (AP)
EDIT PICK
BEST PLACE TO GET NAKED
Red Sand Beach
We all know that, as far as the Boys in Blue are concerned, full frontal nudity is a no-no on every beach in the County of Maui. Toplessness, that’s okay, but that’s it. Whatever. Like we all haven’t seen naked old guys hidden in the bushes at Baby Beach at Spreckelsville or sprawled out on Little Beach. Personally, we love being naked at the beach, but really hate running into people we know while they’re in naked splendor. Gross. The solution is Hana’s Red Sand Beach. Freaking awesome. It’s like this cool outer-space movie set. Cliffy background, cerulean ocean and a shoreline that looks exactly like Cocoa Pebbles. The best part is that you have to Billy-Goat-Gruff-it across a cliff to get there, so the chances of you running into your mailman are slim to none. Goodbye, tan lines! To get there, park at Hana Community Center and hike down the cliff. (LB)
BEST PUBLIC POOL
Kihei Aquatic Center
Super-strain uku’s are really scary. You can say that we have a mild phobia about them. For this reason, we try to stay out of public pools. You just never know. Especially during the summer… we mean, Summer Fun? Come on! It’s like uku orgy ground! If we did have to enter a chlorine-laden mass of water though, we agree that the pool in Kihei is cool. It’s big, clean and has good facilities. And though we’re pretty sure uku’s like all that stuff, too, our insiders say the Kihei Center is clean. 303 E. Lipoa St., Kihei, 879-4364.
Runner-up: Lahaina Recreation Center. Corner of Honoapi‘ilani Hwy. and Shaw St., Lahaina, 661-4685. (LB)
EDIT PICK
BEST PLACE TO CHECK OUT CHICKS ON BIKES
Front Street in Lahaina
Is it any surprise that some of the best spectator sports involve women? There’s beach volleyball, tennis, gymnastics—and girls who ride cruisers down the street in short skirts. An inside source pointed out to us that while Kihei’s main beachfront drag also features chicks on bikes, those femme fatales are more likely to don the less-enticing shorts, while the lasses in Lahaina go for skirts and dresses, which many believe are far superior. Although those of the female persuasion are not so much offended as bemusedly disturbed by this revelation, we can only hope that Misses Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears take not to this particular activity in our town. (SC)
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BEST WAY TO USE YOUR LEISURE TIME TO THE BENEFIT OF THE HAWAIIAN PEOPLE
Volunteer on Kaho`olawe
The goal, as put forth by the good folks of the Kaho‘olawe Island Reserve Commission, is to “call back the cloud bridge that once existed between Maui and Kaho‘olawe. With the clouds come the famous Naulu rains that are associated with Kaho‘olawe.” Doing that—which would begin to turn what was the U.S. Navy’s fave bombing range in the Pacific back into one of the most sacred of Hawaiian islands—requires the planting of many, many native plants, shrubs, herbs, grasses, vines and trees over 4,300 acres of severely eroded land. And doing that requires lots and lots of people to spend hours and hours each day working the land. Don’t think of it as doing yard work—think of it as doing yard work on the most isolated and exotic Hawaiian island. To volunteer call 243-5020. (AP)
EDIT PICK
BEST PLACE FOR AN IMPROMPTU POLE DANCE
Pukalani Terrace parking lot
Really, any pole will do. The reason we like this one so much is that it’s relatively sturdy and has minimal rust. Picking rust out of your palms is not sexy. It’s a great pole for a quick spin after picking up a movie at Paradise Video before you head into Foodland for some vanilla bean ice cream. You’ll usually have a small audience. But always remember that pole dancing is pointless if no one is watching. Then again, this particular locale isn’t too crowded, and it’s not located near a bar so you can’t totally humiliate yourself. Do not drink and pole. It may seem like a swell idea, but trust us when we say it gets a little weird when strangers on the side of the road start throwing dollars at you. Do you pick them up, or do you give them back? Or do you just slink away and die in a gutter? Located near Foodland in Pukalani. (LB)
EDIT PICK
BEST BATHROOM TO GET ROMANTIC WITH YOURSELF
Hyatt Regency Maui’s Ka`anapali Ballroom
For what it’s worth, this bathroom is the bomb-diggety. Evidently, (according to our husband), the dark wood interior and dim lighting invoke a rich and lush feeling that “gives you a warm and fuzzy feeling.” He’s on the road for work a lot and swears that it’s the most romantic bathroom on the island. Hmm. Naturally, we found this alarming because we’ve never been in this bathroom with him. His response? “No, you know… to get romantic with yourself.” Oh, okay. Still alarming, though. 200 Nohea Dr., Ka‘anapali, 661-1234. (LB) MTW
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