BEST WAY TO GET AWAY FROM IT ALL AND STILL BE ABLE TO PADDLE BACK
Ahhhh, the stressful Maui life is getting to you. The daily grind, the awful commute, the terrible gridlock, screamin’ kids and your nagging wife. When you just can’t take it anymore, send the kids to grandma’s house, and buy two tickets to Honolulu and get away from it all without going too far. Take a tip from my parents, while mom heads for Ala Moana for her meaningful shopping therapy, Dad heads for Femme Nu where his amusement may even outlast her shopping spree. It’s fun for the whole family and you can even share a cab ride there from your hotel in Waikiki, just don’t use all of Dad’s one-dollar bills. [JR]
Best Yoga Instructor
TRACY KEENAN
Tracy Keenan teaches fun classes outdoors at Dolphin Plaza in Kihei. She primarily focuses on Ashtanga style, while incorporating other elements and styles as she experiences them. “Visitors love doing it outside, but sometimes the carpets fly away and we have to go to the park across the street. You hear life going by and there are always outside influences, but there are few places in the world lucky enough to always do classes outside like in Kihei,” she said. [JG]
Best Gym
24-HOUR FITNESS
Just because you like to wake up at 2 a.m. and head to the gym for a little midnight pump session doesn’t make you weird. In fact, it makes you a member. Where else can you go to lift, run or stretch after you work a late shift? That’s right, 24-Hour Fitness. Aside from the obvious appeal of working out whenever you want, they run a tight ship in Kahului both in terms of cleanliness and upkeep. They have a good variety of machines, plenty of free weights and locker room floors that you don’t have to be scared of. So whether you’re a meathead or just looking to keep in shape for the beach, 24-Hour Fitness is the place to go. [IH]
BEST PLACE TO SHOOT A SCENE FOR YOUR FANTASY FILM PROJECT
Blue Pool in Hana is an idyllic setting for any castaway movie or another Blue Lagoon type picture, but we prefer to focus on its…um, X-rated possibilities. I know what you’re saying, “A porno is a porno. Nobody’s looking at the background!” But you know what, size might not matter but setting does. Plopping two “lovebirds” down amongst the purity and serenity of Blue Pool almost makes the fact that it’s a pornographic flick okay. I said almost. So while our “Fantasy Film Project” might not be the most virtuous, it’s our pick so don’t judge us. [IH]
BEST PLACE TO GET LOST TRYING TO FIND
Driving on Haiku Road is always a lot of fun. Its an especially nice trip if you’re up for people driving on the wrong side of the road and cats and dogs flinging themselves in front of your cruiser. Looking for a specific place isn’t easy and reading your directions while driving around isn’t a good idea either. “Go past the sharp curve and it’s the green house on the left past the group of mailboxes on the right after that one street,” are common directions. In Haiku go with the attitude that you can’t be lost if you don’t care where you‘re going and enjoy the ride. [JG]
Best Beach Park
KAMAOLE III
While our reader poll established that the best place to watch a sunset is different for everyone, Kamaole III is an obvious favorite for those that show up nightly to watch the sun melt into the horizon. With tons of green grass and room for everyone, you might actually have a day at the park without stepping in dog doodoo. The eye candy is always tasty and it’s not hard to find something to do at Kamaole, like my favorite, checking out weird man-boobs. Right on the water, close to dining and running along South Kihei Road, Kamaole III is in a perfect location for a day of fun at the park before a night of fun on the town. [IH]
BEST PLACE TO DROP DEAD
Parasailing. By far, the best place to drop dead would be parasailing. Up in the air, soaring above the clear waters of the Pacific and loving every minute of it. All of the sudden, our unlucky sailor sees a group of birds approaching ahead. He tries to signal to the boat to get out of their way but his efforts are in vain. Apparently, one stray bird doesn’t get the message to turn from the rest of the flock and the sailor takes an incoming mynah bird right to the face. At those speeds, forget about it. With a beak in the eye and feathers everywhere, both the poor bird and the unfortunate sailor are done for. As the ride comes to an end and the boat begins to slow, our ill-fated sailor drops from the sky like a rock and his day in the sun has come to a quick end. But don’t feel too sorry for him because he got to take in the unequalled scenery of Maui’s coastline and ocean before he met up with one of the most dangerous killers roaming the skies above Hawaii, the mynah bird. [IH]
Best Surf Shop
HI TECH
This place has it all! Hi Tech boasts a huge selection of surfboards, windsurf gear, skateboard stuff and kite boarding paraphernalia. They have a friendly, knowledgeable staff and a fun atmosphere. The owner, Kim Ball, has worked hard to make his store top notch and is also dedicated to the surfing/windsurfing community and promoting water sports. Be sure to visit the Paia branch and don’t mistake the Kahului location for the airport, like some drunk guy really did once. [JG]
Best Place To Buy Board Wax
HI TECH
Why do they call it sex wax? The guys at Hi Tech didn’t know, but postulated appropriately that it’s because sex sells. I found out at www.mrzogs.com that it was so named “because it sounded phonetically cool” and it was “a great spoof on Madison Avenue’s not so subtle attempts to use sex to sell a product.” Technically, it is meant to provide traction between the surfer’s feet and the surfboard, but go buy some at Hi Tech and be creative with it in the bedroom, at the beach, or wherever you feel most inspired. Just be careful. I don’t want to hear about all of your waxy mishaps under the sheets. [JG]
Best Hike
WAINAPANAPA
Walking along the coast at sunrise toward the ancient burial ground is an energizing experience. The sun is intense, the clouds turn a brilliant, fiery orange, and the fierce waves crash into the serrated coastline. Hopping along the jagged lava rocks is an adventure as you try to keep to the trail or make your own. Walking the other direction, toward Hana, at night is a surreal experience. You go through jungle, around gnarly blowholes and experience ethereal energies at the ancient heiau. Of course, there are the easier hikes to Black Sand Beach and the Caves for the less accomplished hiker. Something for everybody, you’ve got to love Maui. [JG]
BEST PLACE TO GO ON HALLUCINOGENS
Swinging Bridges. This place is trippy by itself. Any place with lots of big, old banyan trees – some growing out of huge boulders – is good for trippin’ and this place has ‘em plus some. Bamboo forests, two swinging bridges (obviously), old irrigation canals with sparkly water flows, moss covered stones, amazing views into the mountains and a refreshing swimming hole at the end can either make it the most mellow time of your life or scare the ass off of you. Eat mushrooms for breakfast and go early on a weekday if non-trippers around you will bug you out. [JG]
Best Golf Course
KAPALUA PLANTATION COURSE
On an island with God knows how many golf courses, the Kapalua Plantation Course was voted Maui’s best. But really, was this any contest? Voting for any other course than the Kapalua Plantation would be like voting against the Taj Mahal as world’s most beautiful building. You can make a case for some others, but in the end, only one stands as the crown jewel, and it’s the Plantation. [JK]
Best Snorkel Spot
BLACK ROCK
This is a bit of a touchy subject, but umpteen billion visitors to Maui have made Black Rock seemingly their own private playground for so long, it took Maui Time Weekly readers to remind some of us what a gem of a snorkeling spot Kaanapali’s Black Rock truly is. What more could anyone ask for—gorgeous, frolicking bodies adorning the scene? The entire experience in and out of the water is about as spectacular as any place on the planet. Ho-hum, another lousy snorkeling day in paradise… [JK]
Best Beach
BIG BEACH MAKENA
Mounds of soft sand, killer shore break and an as of yet unspoiled view – they don’t call it Big Beach for nothing. People flock from far and wide to visit this south side picture of paradise. On a calm day, you’ll find families frolicking in the ocean and vacationers power-walking the shoreline. Bring a lunch and bask in the sun or venture the waters if you’re brave. While you’re at it, make that climb over the rock wall to Little Beach for some naked Qi Gong. [TL]
Best Place To Watch The Sunset
MY HOUSE
Sorry folks but it looks like my house is the best place to watch the sunset. What, never been to my house? Well don’t fret, there are plenty of “my houses” all across our island paradise. Okay, so I don’t literally mean MY house, but the local readers say that when they watch the sunset, they like it best from their own lanai. Who can blame them? No crowd, no cover and if you want to walk around in your birthday suit, you won’t get arrested or groped, as the case might be. [KH]
Best Yoga Studio
KAPALUA ART SCHOOL STUDIO
Tucked away in the idyllic setting of West Maui’s more precipitous shoreline, the Art School at Kapalua is the perfect locale for a little Upward/Downward Dog and Squatting Frog posing. As you’re sweating your yoga butt off, a cool breeze wafts in through the open studio, filling your body and mind with a calmness that is damn near ethereal. The only sounds you hear as you enter relaxation phase are the gentle rustlings of wind in trees and maybe the occasional snores of your fellow yogis. [SC]
BEST THING TO DO ON A RAINY DAY
Living on a tropical island like Maui can be filled with many sunny days on the beach. But what does one do on the old rainy day? Well, my best bet is to shut the doors, turn the AC on, shave what needs to be shaved and get it on with your lover. Sex is fantastic when there is rain pelting on the window. Listening to the hypnotic beat of the rain can really get your juices flowing. Not only will you spend much quality time with your significant other, but you will also get sexual satisfaction as well. Not too shabby! Assuming both parties cross the finish line. [CM]
Best Board Shaper
OLE
Bob Olson, aka Ole, has been a part of my Lahaina life for as long as I can remember. My dad has always had an Ole longboard, several in fact, and I grew up learning how to surf on Ole’s boards. I still surf on his longboards. Ole even has a longboard contest all his own, the Ole Longboard Classic, which is coming up soon this summer. Ole always has a smile and a shaka for me as we pass each other on Front Street. Ole manifests peace and harmony of man with nature in his timeless attitude on life and his high quality boards. His works of art and just simply knowing him have taught me, and many others, about my family, the ocean, good times and paying my dues; a fitting by-product of his lifelong work. [JR]
BEST PLACE TO WATCH VISITORS GET PUMMELED BY A BEACH BREAK
Lying on the beach at Kaanapali or Makena is by far the best way to see people, but mainly tourists, playfully tossed to the ground by the shore-breaking waves. Not only do you get to witness it firsthand, but you also get to predict it before it even happens. “Ten bucks says the guy in the man-thong eats it on this one!” Tourists don’t want to swim too far out for fear of sharks. As a result, they stay close to the shore and bob up and down as waves go by. But, as one wave passes and the water novice thinks they are safe, another wave quickly scoops them up and then slams them into the sandy crash pad. The break of the waves can be heard up and down the beach as well as loud, hysterical laughter from every passerby on the beach. Keep it up. We all need a laugh and we know it’s a lot of fun for you too. [CM]
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