BEST RECORD STORE
Hurray for the little guy! Requests is an indie shop for music lovers of all tastes. Trust us–they know music, and have access to some of the rarest albums and videos out there. And if you ask for something they don’t have, they’ll find it. Because they’re like that. 10 Market St., Wailuku, 244-9315.
Runner-up: Borders Books & Music. 270 Dairy Rd., Kahului, 877-6160. (KS)
Borders Books & Music
Have you readers been taking lessons from Hollywood breasts? That would certainly explain why you suddenly think bigger is better. Such is the case with Borders, which you voted our island’s best bookstore. While it may lack the charm and class of our lesser-known indie retailers, Borders offers an unnaturally huge selection of best-selling novels, magazines, hardbound books, paperbacks and the always chic self-help titles, plus racks—pun definitely intended—of CDs, DVDs and calendars. If bookstores could grow hair, this one would definitely be platinum blonde. Maui Marketplace, 270 Dairy Rd., Kahului, 877-6160.
Runner up: Maui Child Toys & Books. Located in Makawao on Makawao Ave. across from the public library, 250-6160. (JA)
BEST NEW PLACE TO BUY BRAS, BRIEFS AND BUSTIERS
Of course it makes sense that we have more places to buy bathing suits than we do to buy lingerie. But still, a girl has needs! As does her man! So, too, does her secretly fabulous-in-a-pink-boa-with-garters uncle! And so we are glad this little boutique opened up, sporting the latest and greatest in all things silky, see-through and skimpy. We salute the proud, the pantied and the peek-a-booed. For as Dorothy Parker once said, “Brevity is the soul of lingerie.” Word. 99 Hana Hwy., Paia, 579-6229. (SC)
BEST PLACE TO GET A SPRAY TAN
Solange Tanning Salon
People always get weird when we say we’re going in for a spray tan. A spray tan? But you’ve got such great coloring! We live on Maui (you know, the dude who captured the sun), you moron! And don’t you have to get naked? Isn’t that (eek!) embarrassing? Uh, to answer your questions: Being naked’s not so bad when you have great coloring. Oh, and we live on Maui and skin cancer kills. So yeah. Go get a spray tan at Solange. 1135 Makawao Ave., Makawao, 572-4663. (LB)
BEST PLACE TO BUY BOTTLED WATER
We’re thinking the store in Kihei—where they keep the bottles by the door where they’re really easy to miss until you’re in the checkout line and by then you’re already in line and don’t want to risk losing your place just to run and grab a couple liter-and-a-half bottles of Crystal Geyser or Hawaiian Springs that are, seriously, like a buck a bottle—but really, probably any of the locations will do. Located island-wide. (AP)
BEST PLACE TO SWAP OUT YOUR TIRED DUDS FOR SOMEBODY ELSE’S STYLISH NEW WARDROBE
We fondly recall a friend who had so much style, class and fashion savoir-faire that she never wore the same fantastic outfit twice. Her wardrobe was so extensive it spilled out of her closet and into her boudoir, filling every square inch of space in sight. And it was all cool stuff, too; our friend had amassed an amazing collection of collectibles from consignment stores across the country. Every piece unique, every item with character; all timeless. Thankfully, there are actually a growing number of consignment boutiques on Maui. And a lot of them are very good for finding clothes, furniture and the occasional black heart-shaped vase. But we really love Bohemia—possibly because it’s close-by and we’re lazy, but also because it’s a lot like our dear friend’s room, only way more organized. And minus the bongs. 105 N. Market St., Wailuku, 244-9995. (SC)
BEST PLACE TO GET ONE OF THOSE PLANTS THAT LOOKS LIKE A FURRY BASKET
Who knows what this place is actually called—we don’t recall even seeing a sign—and we really don’t feel like heading all the way back to Hana to find out. Even if you do visit, there won’t be anyone there to ask anyway. See, it’s a nursery run on the honor system: you wander around the many plants and ferns and such, find something you like, then look at the price tag, stuff the appropriate amount in the cash box on the table facing the road and drive off. If you have any questions—or special order requests—you write a note (be sure to include contact info!) and press that into the box as well. If only all our merchants were able to operate under such rules… Located on Waianapanapa Road in Hana. (AP)
BEST HARDWARE STORE
In another life, before we made it as big-time writers (scoff! scoff!), we actually worked at Ace. We won’t say which one, but know that we felt some pride when we saw that it’s our readers’ fave hardware store. Seriously, you can buy anything at an Ace—bento containers, roach killer, plants, pens, tools and enough nuts and bolts to fill a Matson container. True story: when we were working there we used to have this regular customer who would hand us handfuls of weed over the counter when he’d stop by for supplies in the morning. And no, we never inhaled. Lahaina Square Shopping Center, 667-5883; Pukulani Terrace Center, 572-5566; Kihei Azeka Shopping Center, 879-7060.
Runner-up: Home Depot. 100 Pakaula St., Kahului, 893-7800. (LB)
BEST TATTOO SHOP
Island Ink Tattoo Co.
The thing about Island Ink is that it lures you in with its tremendous view, sterile environment and friendly, knowledgeable staff. Before you know it, you’re signing up for subscriptions to alt porn sites like SuicideGirls and GodsGirls. Soon, you’ll no longer be able to go to job interviews without donning long-sleeved shirts to hide your extensive sleeve work. You’ll wonder if it was all worth it: the time, the money and the skin. Then you’ll remember just how badass you look, and you’ll know the answer. Also, remember that tattoo and piercing is a service industry, so tip your artist! 100 Hana Hwy, Paia, 579-9461.
Runner-up: Skin Deep. 626 Front St., Lahaina, 661-8531. (YT)
BEST PLACE TO CURL UP WITH A RARE HAWAIIAN HISTORY TOME
Wailuku Public Library
The shelves cover two whole walls and run on for yards and yards. Amazing works you can’t find anywhere else on the island. The historian Samuel Manaiakalani Kamakau has been called one of the most brilliant scholars of the mid-19th century period—Hawaiian or otherwise—and our sources tell us there are few better places on Maui in which to delve into some of his works than this C. W. Dickey-designed hall of books opened way back in 1929. 251 High St., Wailuku, 243-5766. (AP)
BEST IDEA YET TO DEAL WITH MAUI’S LACK OF AFFORDABLE HOUSING
Na HALE O Maui
The idea is that this organization holds property in a community land trust. The house sells, but Na HALE O Maui—which includes members of the community—owns the land. That way the sale price of the house, which is separated from the rising value of the property, is far less than current market rates, which today make a mockery of the word “affordability.” It’s been tried in small areas throughout the Mainland in areas beset with sky-rocketing property values, and generally works at allowing working people to buy homes they couldn’t otherwise afford. If all goes well, they’ll start selling homes by the end of this year. Email Executive Director John Andersen for more information: firstname.lastname@example.org. (AP)
BEST SECONDHAND STORE
Whether you’re looking for the perfect costume for that upcoming theme party or searching for a deal on funky vintage clothing, Savers is the place to go to avoid a wardrobe malfunction. If you’re just looking to save a few dollars on duds for work, at least no one is likely to show up sporting the same shirt you’re in. They’ve also got deals on clothes for the youngest trendsetters, as well as toys, shoes and household items to spiff up your pad on a major budget. 380 Dairy Rd., Kahului, 871-7244.
Runner-up: Rainbow Attic. 1881 S Kihei Rd., 874-0884. (JA)
BEST PLACE THAT DOESN’T CHARGE $4.50 FOR ONE MANGO
Maui Swap Meet
We can’t believe we have to keep telling you this. But if you’re still complaining about the soaring prices of produce at your friendly neighborhood supermarket chain or friendly trendy health food store, we can’t hear you. And it’s because we’re too busy paying our 50 cents to enter the wide world of craftspeople and farmers who are selling their quality wares and lovingly grown vegetation for dirt-cheap. We’re talking low prices! Plus, you get the added bonus of knowing where the stuff you put into your body is coming from, while at the same time, contributing to the local economy. It’s really a win-win situation but then, what would you have to complain about? We’ll tell you what: toothpaste! Located next to the Kahului Post Office on Pu‘unene Rd. Open every Saturday from 7 a.m. to noon. (SC)
BEST HAIR STYLIST
The votes on this category were all pretty close. Just a handful of votes more or less for any of the runners-up would have changed the outcome. But then right at the end, Kristin pulled out a win. Now our spies tell us Kristin is cute, attentive and has a really good eye for color and style. And that she’s also really fun to be around. We mean, just look at her. That is one cool chick. Fun, too. Anyway, you can find Kristin at Paragon Salon. Just don’t forget to tip her good when you congratulate her! 1160 Makawao Ave., 573-1300.
Runner-up: Tiana at Soleil Luna. 242 Lahainaluna, Lahaina, 662-0203. (KS)
BEST PLACE FOR PARIS HILTON TO BUY SHOES
If the Shoe Fits
Did you know Paris—actress, singer, heiress to the great Hilton fortune, ex-con—has a size-11 foot? Wow. Though Teri Edmonds’ If the Shoe Fits in Wailuku now sells special extra-hard-to-find stylish yet comfortable shoes sized 13 to 15 that Edmonds designed herself, we’re sure she could find something in her inventory for Paris. Of course, Paris would have to leave the comforts of Wailea on her next Maui visit to do so, but hey—we all have to make sacrifices. Well, most of us. 12 N. Market St., Wailuku, 249-9710. (AP)
BEST PARKING LOT TO DO SOMETHING OTHER THAN PARK YOUR CAR
Makawao Public Parking Lot
Don’t know about you, but we’re always looking for a good parking lot for nefarious deeds. And our all-time fave is the Makawao lot behind Stopwatch Grill and Bar. We’ve done just about everything in this parking lot. And the best thing is we’ve never, ever—so far—been caught, ticketed or interrupted! Oh, and there’s always parking, if that’s all you want to do there. You can’t say that about Wailuku Town. That place just has too many cars. Well, that and Maui Police Officer/parking ticket writer extraordinaire Keith Taguma. Listen, Taguma: if you start trolling around our Makawao parking lot we’re gonna be pissed. Pissed and incarcerated, perhaps, but definitely pissed. (LB)
BEST PLACE TO GET A BLOW JOB
We’re talking HAIR here, y’all! And when it comes to hair, we almost don’t want to tell about this place, it’s that good. Beauty Bar is a cozy salon that always smells so nice, where Zena and her gang give good hair, and face, with quality Kerastase products and unbelievably reasonable prices. And best of all, faithful apprentice Casey is a master shampooer and blow-drier, for those times when you need to condition those locks or flatten them into submission. 1910 E. Vineyard St., Wailuku, 986-8010. (SC)
BEST PLACE TO LEARN ABOUT SEX
The Love Shack
We know you know about The Love Shack. But did you know that Lila, the owner, knows sex—way more than you do? She really does, and she’ll talk your ear off… in a good way. Nothing is taboo with this woman. She’ll talk you through “situations” with a straight face and a gentle demeanor. In fact, she’s so good at talking about sex, we think we’re just gonna ask her to do the whole “Birds and the Bees” talk with the kids when it’s time. Kihei Kalama Village, 875-0303. (LB)