NOTW: Loaded snake attacks, bra protests and pets of the One Percent


PETS OF THE ONE PERCENT “The worshipful treatment of pets may be the thing that unites all Americans,” wrote an Atlantic Magazine blogger in July, describing the luxury terminal for animals under construction at New York’s JFK airport. The ARK will offer shower stalls for traveling horses, “conjugal stations” for ever-horny penguins, and housing for nearly […]

Hurricane Ashley Madison hits Maui County, and Drew Toonz is there!


Illustration: Andrew Miller

Eh Vile Jerk Neighbor!


You harassed my family and myself for over a year–even our elderly parents. You ran over my kids’ toys on purpose. You destroyed the steps to my yard. You hit my fiance’s car. You threw rocks at my house. And you left a threatening letter on our doorstep that scared our children. You’re quite simply […]

Sign Language: Pisces should stop trying to be like Big Bird


Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) There’s no question you’re full on. You rarely do things halfway; when you discover something new you’re into, you barely do anything else until you’ve exhausted your interest in it. Then you move on to the next thing. A tiny fraction of these exploratory ventures become part of your semi-permanent repertoire; […]

Drew Toonz takes on prescription drug robbery!


Illustration: Andrew Miller

Eh Sassy Convenience Store Clerks!


To the two sistahs who work the evening shift at the local convenience store, as well as all other small-minded, customer service bigots who work behind a counter and somehow think you are better than everyone else: You’re right. Maui is a small island, so the next time you open your mouth and talk smack […]

Sign Language: Leos should dip their strawberries in something new


Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) Try something new. I know you like your tried-and-true roster of winning combinations, but what you’re perfectly happy with day after day and year after year can bore some of those who wish to share it with you. Go ahead, dip your strawberries in a white chocolate balsamic vinegar fondue, or […]

Eh Kava Thief In Haliimaile!


Eh Brah! Why are you sellin’ kava for $8 a pound on Craigslist? you take people’s money and then send ‘um over to the garden in Hali`imaile to dig ‘um. Only the place you send ‘um isn’t yours! You stealin’! Sure, you’re clever ’cause you’re long gone by then and the buyers are the ones […]

Sign Language: It wouldn’t kill Virgos to be a little nicer this week


Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) Just because you like things upfront and direct doesn’t mean everyone else does. In fact, some of the people around you are quite devoted to sneaky methods and shady dealings, despite whatever convincingly upright facades they maintain. But they’re hardly going to make you a PowerPoint presentation about all the ways […]

Drew Toonz salutes Cecil the Lion with a trophy of his own


Illustration by Andrew Miller

Eh Angels Who Helped Me In Wailuku!


Eh brah: a big shout-out to the Maui angels who helped me when my truck overflowed on Lower Main in Wailuku. I made the turn at Waihee Beach Road and many food items spilled onto the road. First a young girl stopped, helped clean up some items and left me with a roll of paper […]

Eh nice guy who helped us after our Pali Trail hike!

19.07.EH BRAH

We had just finished a grueling, hot, humid Lahaina-Pali trail hike on a Sunday morning when we discovered that we locked our keys to the car parked on the Lahaina side in the car over on the Kihei side. We were sweaty, dirty, stinky and exhausted when this generous Hana raised guy offered to drive us […]

Sign Language: Cancers need to check under their bed tonight


Cancer (June 21-July 22) You’re like the opposite of the princess with the pea. She couldn’t rest because of one tiny irregularity buried beneath her mountain of mattresses. You, on the other hand, have been sleeping like a baby, despite the whole skeleton tucked under your paper-thin futon. Maybe you didn’t put it there. Perhaps […]

Drew Toonz: El Chapo vs Donald Trump!


Illustration: Andrew Miller

Eh guy who hit the bike rack in Lahaina!


Eh brah, this goes out to the okole who hit the bike rack in Lahaina with his van, then got out and smiled about it in a half-empty parking lot, blocking all the people who bike to work in the morning. We had to chain up to the other rack by Foodland because we didn’t […]

Drew Toonz: What did Bill Cosby give those sharks?


Illustration: Andrew Miller