Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Lately you’ve felt as lacking in vocabulary as the family dog. You’ve tried your damnedest to communicate what you’ve been feeling, nonverbally, but it’s not coming across. Whenever you’ve attempted to actually speak, you’ve felt desperately at a loss for words. Quit panting and wagging your tail. No one’s getting it. Part of the problem, of … [Read more...] about Your Horoscope
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Your Horoscope
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Let it get scary. I know, scary doesn’t exactly fit in with your view of a harmonious and sweet life. But it should; because when things start getting really close and really real, they also get at least a little terrifying. Don’t settle for mediocre pleasantry, not when the real deal is so close you can touch it. It may seem like trouble—hell, it may … [Read more...] about Your Horoscope
Your Horoscope
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) You’re such a slut. Your actual sexual activity is irrelevant here; I’m referring to your social butterflyism, which has multiplied to truly shocking proportions. I’m surprised you can spare a minute between phone calls, appointments, lunch meetings, texts, and emails to even read this horoscope. Don’t worry, I’m not going to chastise you; you’re … [Read more...] about Your Horoscope
Your Horoscope
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Don’t gild the lily. In case you’re not familiar with that lovely phrase, it refers to unnecessarily adding ornamentation to something that’s already beautiful. To do so actually insults and detracts from the beauty that’s already there. True artistry is sometimes about knowing when to stop, when enough is enough. Unfortunately, the lily you’re … [Read more...] about Your Horoscope
Your Horoscope
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Occasionally, I suffer from hypermanifestation: I can hardly mention something without it entering my life. I made an allusion to a skunk, and hours later I came face to stink-hole with one. I briefly recalled (aloud) a momentary encounter with someone and suddenly, he appeared. My best response to this condition is to mention things I’d really … [Read more...] about Your Horoscope