Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Don’t leap too quickly to absolution this week. This applies both to your wrongdoings and your wrongdoers. A simple “I’m sorry” goes a long way, but it just doesn’t cut it right now. The reason: there are things that can be done to repair the damage done by the “sins” committed. Instead of just apologizing for the shit that went down, or accepting an … [Read more...] about Your Horoscope
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Cancer (June 21-July 22) Although I’ve occasionally been known to badmouth Cancers (usually after an especially hard (and often unintentional) pinch), if only by repeating—and therefore reinforcing—less-than-flattering stereotypes, I don’t want you to think that I don’t adore you. I usually only mention your supposed shortcomings to point out their source—the hardships you … [Read more...] about Your Horoscope
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Cancer (June 21-July 22) Sexually, you consider yourself pretty adventurous, open-minded, and versatile. But the hermaphroditic sea hare has you beat. Since individuals possess both male and female genitalia, they can screw in long daisy chains, with each sea hare playing both roles. You’re simply not physically equipped to duplicate their acrobatic underwater orgies, but it … [Read more...] about Your Horoscope
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Taurus (April 20-May 20) Some windfalls must be rejected on ethical grounds (like when you find someone’s wallet, for example), but no one reasonable would really question your right to keep a lone $100 bill you found on the street. When pure, blind, wonderful luck blows in your direction, accept it with grateful, joyful equanimity and no questions. This is one of those gift … [Read more...] about Your Horoscope