Sign Language: Pisces should have a pillow fight this week

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Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) Steer things towards a pillow fight. Since you can’t avoid conflict this week, you might as well aim for forms of it that won’t leave you bleeding and devastated. A pillow fight would not only hurt a lot less than the other available alternatives, it might even be fun. So there […]

Sign Language: Pisces need to go home as soon as possible

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Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) Nina Simone (a fellow Piscean) sang, so beautifully: “Like a flower waiting to bloom, like a light bulb in a dark room, I am sitting here waiting for you to come home and turn me on.” That made me think of you, because this kind of longing is a powerful force […]

Sign Language: This week Aries should just turn off the TV already

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Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) If anyone has hope of overcoming the bullshit True Love Programming we’ve all been trained to believe in, and live by, it’s you, Aquarius. What are the solid elements of partnership, the ones that can outlast the fickle ebb and flow of sexual desire and romantic passion? And how to find […]

Sign Language: Geminis should not get a haircut this week

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Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Don’t question the ease. When your half-ass efforts yield brilliant results, flow with it. That’s just how your week is. I know how hard you usually have to work for things before you catch a break, so simply accept the sweet deals, the effortless lays, and the winning numbers. You rarely […]

Sign Language: This is the week for Aquarians to be quiet

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Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Sarcasm will get you nowhere (since those you’re forced to deal with this week are liable to just take you seriously). Neither will flattery, however, because it’s bound to come off as insincere and manipulative. In other words, quiet earnestness, as boring as that may be, is your best ticket to […]

Sign Language: Pisces need more than a kick in the butt this week

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Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) The obstacle in front of you is much like an elementary school bully. He’s got the advantage of size and aggression, but no clear agenda. So he does stupid-ass shit like stepping side-to-side, to block your path, repeatedly, just to piss you off. There’s nothing you can do to appease him; […]

Sign Language: Pisces May Get A Chance To Use Their Genitals This Week

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Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) You’re likely to reach such a unique and enviable philosophical juncture this week that I wish I could reverse-engineer it, to figure out exactly how you got there, and thus how we could get other people there. I wouldn’t call it enlightenment, exactly. You’re not even close to having all the […]

Sign Language: Cancers need to lay off the butter cookies for a while

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Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Welcome to the headlines, Capricorn. All of a sudden, your deeds are written in the biggest boldest font on everyone’s personal news page, and your greatest moments are being written up in your crowd’s annals of heroism or infamy. Since you’re astrologically scheduled for this kind of attention in the next […]

Sign Language: This week Capricorns should be careful crossing the street

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Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) You feel pretty safe. Unfortunately, the protective umbrella you’re taking refuge under is no sturdier than a flimsy canvas awning trying to withstand a meteor strike. That’s not to say you’re going to suffer anything as calamitous as a comet collision. But you still might want to take steps, because your […]

Anthony Pignataro

About Anthony Pignataro

Anthony Pignataro has been a journalist since 1996. He started work as MauiTime's Editor in 2003, took a couple years off starting in 2008, then returned to the staff in 2011. He's the author of "Stealing Cars With The Pros," a 2013 collection of his journalism and the Maui novels "Small Island" (2011) and "The Dead Season" (2012)–all of which were published by Event Horizon Press. In 2014, his one-act play "War Stories" won second place in the Maui Fringe Festival.

Sign Language: Geminis shouldn’t worry about that strange smell

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Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Just as a migratory bird returns to the same spots each year, its route based on memorized landmarks it learned from its predecessors, you’ve been a creature of habit on a grand scale. That is, you’ve revisited identical mental locations, in the same order, for years now. The hapless fowl does […]