Sign Language: Gemini heads are toxic and prone to explosions

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Gemini (May 21-June 20) Get out of your head, get into your body. Get out of your head, get into your body. Get out of your head, get into your body. Stop reading this already! This is head bullshit, and it’s no good for you. Go squeeze out a shit, go screw someone, go just […]

Sign Language: This is the week for Taurans to get naughty

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Taurus (April 20-May 20) Guilty fun is the name of the game this week, so enjoy it. It’s not often that you can get such illicit-seeming thrills from what might otherwise be considered relatively tame activities, if it weren’t for your current situation. Simply laughing out loud can be a naughty pleasure out of all […]

Sign Language: Virgos will have fun this week

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Taurus (April 20-May 20) Expect hidden but powerful allies this week. Don’t expect them to show their faces, though. They’re secret supporters, the kind who anonymously dump money into your bank account or send thugs to “help” your ex-boyfriend move out, finally. Play a big game; you’re officially a badass now. You can get away […]

Sign Language: Geminis need to get naked more often

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Taurus (April 20-May 20) Sometimes the only way to get to know someone is to get thrown into a situation where you’re sort of stuck with them. I’ve found that often when I’m forced to push past the things that annoy me about a person, I end up liking them far more than the people […]

Sign Language: Cancers should invest in a good umbrella

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Taurus (April 20-May 20) You know better, but sometimes you go ahead and make bad choices anyway. Why? Because they’re fun. You know sleeping with that person is a bad move, ultimately—but it doesn’t mean it won’t be a blast. If you’re living in the moment, anyway, doesn’t the richness of the present outweigh the […]

Sign Language: Taurans need to stop eating so fast

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Taurus (April 20-May 20) This past year, you’ve gradually reduced the lag-time between knee-jerk reactions and conscious ones. That means you’ve been giving yourself a chance to actually respond to situations with deeper, more long-term truths that stem from head, heart and gut, rather than the raw, animal ones that can sometimes emerge in the […]

Sign Language: Gemini keyboards have too much peanut butter

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Aries (March 21-April 19) You crave greatness, accomplishment, and recognition. In some ways, you were born into a more challenging era than any before. You wish there was new territory to explore, but at this point in the world’s history, there’s almost no place on land that someone hasn’t beaten you to. It’s daunting, my […]