Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Partying is for other signs. The focus of your birthday month, unfortunately, is work, not fun. Tragically, the universe channels mostly tough love for you Virgos. Hey, don’t nag (or stab) the messenger; I’ll applaud you if you say, “Screw it,” take off for Cancun, and spend your savings on pina coladas. However, I doubt your ambitious goals will allow … [Read more...] about Your Horoscope
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Gemini (May 21-June 20) Although you might suddenly develop the mutant ability to walk through walls, vault barriers, or freeze time, I wouldn’t count on it. Let’s face it, the easy ways out you’re praying for are simply unlikely to happen, not without an unprecedented barrage of cosmic rays or supernatural spider bites. Although the other solutions are vastly more complicated, … [Read more...] about Your Horoscope
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Taurus (April 20-May 20) You have astrological vigilante status this week. You’re outside some of the laws that usually apply to you, like those decreed by your sign or genetic code. Enjoy your freedom. Outlaw status means you can be irresponsible for once. It also means you can learn to sing in tune, dance the polka, or seduce a model, even if your croaky vocal cords, stubby … [Read more...] about Your Horoscope
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Taurus (April 20-May 20) Elitism may be your downfall. Your unwillingness to stand beside the unwashed masses makes you an easy target. While your mild snobbery is probably perfectly justified, it’s dangerous. There’s a difference between carefully choosing friends, and passing judgment based on some preconceived frivolity, like appearance or heritage. Your current project, by … [Read more...] about Your Horoscope
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Taurus (April 20-May 20) In Greek myth Jason vanquished a dragon whose teeth, sown in earth, sprouted into thousands of armed warriors. He was ready to fight them all and surely be defeated, despite his prodigious swordsmanship, until his wily girlfriend, Medea, suggested something more realistic: Turn the unassailable might of that army against itself. Jason threw a rock amid … [Read more...] about Your Horoscope