Everything I Need to Know I Learned on The Ed & Greg Show

Unless I totally suck at math –actually I kind of do –this past Monday has marked my 10th month on Wild 105.5’s The Ed & Greg Show. In my humble and biased opinion, The Ed & Greg Show is the best damn morning show on the island.

Wild 105.5 is an independently run station in no way affiliated with the giant Pacific Radio Group. Not that I don’t listen to PRG stations, because I do. In fact, if I were a dude, I’m pretty sure that I’d have a thing for Nikki D, who is totally awesome and should really come over one night to play cards and eat boiled peanuts. By the way, Nikki, you need to team up with your co-host Mackie and impose a hostile takeover against Trance. What is this, the Yakuza? Strength in numbers, girlfriend, strength in numbers.

But when the Zoo Crew is busy pushing lawnmowers up Dairy Road, pretending to be homosexual Indians, making Nikki wear a bikini in the freezing cold or dressing Mackie in an elf costume , we on The Ed and Greg Show are busy talking about real Maui issues like skanky first graders, drug addled parents, using Photoshop to make your kids cuter than they are, hunting ghosts in Waikapu, why it’s better to let your teenage daughter get pregnant rather than hand her a condom, gambling and why I love it, why we’re cool with Kendall Grove admitting to smoking pot and being a role-model to our kids, how neither Ed or Greg has ever smoked a bowl in their life, the difference between a “moke” and a “local,” boobs –small boobs, big boobs, saggy boobs, fake boobs, pierced boobs–how to purchase a butt-plug for your husband, the environment, politics, what a narrow-minded conservative Greg is, how ignorant I am, how it’s humanly possibly for Ed to be such a complete arse when it comes to MMA fighting, how unfortunate it is that men who kick off their slippers and shout, “What faka, like go?” in parking lots turn me on, the rise and fall of the stripper pole in my house, how it makes me homicidal and pissy to be called “girly girl,” wrestling and how fake-yet-awesome it is, haoles, how Oprah is definitely the anti-Christ and how Google is planning world domination.

On my very first segment (I appear on the show every Monday at 10 a.m.), I was scared out of my mind. In fact, I’m pretty sure that I suffered intestinal upset from the stress. To make matters worse, Ed and Greg immediately went off on Holoholo Girl (my supervisor at the time)–who was listening to the show .

I totally got busted for it when I got back to the office. But I’ve kept going back week after week and I think that the three of us have gelled and bounce insults off of each other quite nicely. Either that or I’ve just gotten used to making an ass of myself on air. Probably the latter.

Starr Begley just went and upset everybody again. MTW

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