Stop Yelling At Your Beautiful Girlfriend!

Eh Brah! You look really cool yelling at your beautiful girlfriend in public. It really makes you look like you’re in control of your pathetic, plaid wearing, illiterate, comb-less life of yours. It’s no surprise that you’re too busy “crying over spilled milk” to notice that the incoming phone call from “MOM” is coincidentally the same phone number as your girl’s future boyfriend. I’m sorry to interrupt your very important rampage, but it looks like she has to answer this one. Do yourself a favor: once you pull your head out of your butt… COMB YOUR HAIR!

Illustration by Ron Pitts

Anthony Pignataro

About Anthony Pignataro

Anthony Pignataro has been a journalist since 1996. He started work as MauiTime's Editor in 2003, took a couple years off starting in 2008, then returned to the staff in 2011. He's the author of "Stealing Cars With The Pros," a 2013 collection of his journalism and the Maui novels "Small Island" (2011) and "The Dead Season" (2012)–all of which were published by Event Horizon Press. In 2014, his one-act play "War Stories" won second place in the Maui Fringe Festival.