Eh Homophobic Restaurant Customer!


Eh, Brah! I could tell by your booming voice, blond buzz-cut and tucked-in polo shirt that you have an inflated sense of importance, but did you really have to advertise your disgusting homophobia at the same time? Your speech about finding out some guy was gay and how he was sprinkling his “f@$%ing fairy dust” all over the place was way over the line. You were in a restaurant, and other people were trying to enjoy their breakfasts and morning cocktails without being exposed to your voice. You didn’t even have money to buy your own meal. Yes, I heard you telling the waitress and your buddy that some co-worker was going to come in and pay for the take-out order because you didn’t go to the bank. Did you not notice the ATM right outside? How about showing some respect and decency around the many tourists in that restaurant, so they don’t think we’re all homophobic, noisy, cursing, self-absorbed jerks who conveniently leave their money at home?

Illustration by Ron Pitts



  • Bernard Sussman

    One of the few things I learned in my long life was Do Not Antagonize People Who are Going to Handle Your Food!
    It follows that being obnoxious in a restaurant – especially when obnoxious in a way that may especially offend any of the restaurant staff – is extremely ill-advised. I don’t think I need to go into further detail.

  • Jason Martin

    One thing I have learned in life is that Anyone who is overly concerned with another person’s sexuality is interested in that person on a sexual level. Most guys walking around talking a bunch of crap about another guy being a gay are more than likely harboring latent homosexual tendencies and using their machismo as a mask. So this guy obviously thinks the waiter was so attractive that he had to comment to cover why he’s staring at the waiter the whole time without looking like a homo.