Eh brah, I get that you’re homeless and you could use some kindness. But I made the mistake of being friendly, so you moved in with bags of stuff in the bushes and left piles of your plants and more stuff all over the place. Then you drank and got obnoxious and belligerent. That scared away customers. Politely asking you to move on didn’t work. Being firm didn’t work. Getting nasty didn’t work. Calling the police finally worked. But I see you’ve moved in down the block. Please go home to your family, which apparently lives nearby. Oh, wait–you probably can’t go home. They probably called the police, too. I feel bad for you but I won’t try being friendly again. Sorry, brah.
Illustration: Ron Pitts