BEST POLITICAL CAUSE
If you are reading this and you haven’t already formed an opinion in your mind within two seconds, then you must be so lame that you don’t even have your own political cause. My advice to you is to get up off your big lazy okole and get knee deep in the shit around you because there is lots of it. Don’t know where to begin? Look deep within yourself and find something that you’re passionate about, even remotely, you lethargic creature of capitalism, and argue desperately in your underdog’s favor. There are plenty of great causes that continue to mark our disgusting human existence and will remain until death do us part: human rights, the Angelican faith, racial and sexual equality, hunger, child labor, overdevelopment, Catholic priests, oppressive governments, our deteriorating and polluted environment, the wrath of war, the existence of aliens and your right to be nude 24/7. Just stay away from the cults, mush brain. [JR]
Best Radio Station
THE POINT 101.1FM
Turn on the radio and you will no doubt hear The Red Hot Chili Peppers followed by Evanescence, Linkin Park and Audioslave. It’s inevitable. Turn the dial as much as you want, you’re going to hear it. But 101.1 The Point is the lesser evil in the land of limited song play. And sometimes, being the lesser evil makes you the best. The Point consistently plays good music, is based on Maui and has the best commentary and sound bytes between songs. Best of all, they don’t cut to lame shows like Loveline every night. For those of us with a broken tape player (not even a broken CD player), the radio is all we have. The Point makes those hot days in the car a little more bearable and getting stuck on the Pali just that much more fun. [IH]
BEST FESTIVAL OR STREET FAIR
For as outstanding as Halloween in Lahaina has gotten over the years, thanks to Lahainatown Action Committee, what with the scantily clad and overly clad all partaking in the act of self-humiliation, I’m still left with memories from a time when they didn’t close that big chunk of Front Street. One such memory was when my friend Ben and I took all of our crap candy and threw it at the costumed fools while my dad drove down Front Street. We managed to get a trial-size pack of Sixlets down a –let’s say “bountiful”–woman’s cleavage and I’m sure you’re all aware that for an 11-year-old boy, that’s like finding Jesus. In its own way a brag-worthy memory and to me, it sums up Halloween on Front Street. Candy and Cleavage. [GG]
BEST RECENT MOVIE FILMED IN HAWAII
This category was the subject of vicious argument and dedicated campaigning that ended in a tie. Both movies have blondes with pigtails. Both movies have Hawaii’s spectacular scenery. And both scripts have the line “Marsha, Marsha, Marsha” in them. The obvious movie is A Very Brady Sequel but the second is a little less apparent. In our second film, the “Marsha, Marsha, Marsha” line is not a result of sibling jealousy but is instead screamed as part of a money shot. Our co-winners in the category are the stunning cinematographic genius of the Brady movie and the collection of pornographic films shot at Maui’s Blue Pool. This combination of hearty family entertainment and pure, sexual filth covers both sides of the cinematic spectrum and the merits of each have earned them both a share of the best Hawaiian film title. After all, where would the world be without porn and the Brady Bunch? We start to run into problems when the two come together but hey, I would love to see Marsha…well, that would be neat. [IH]
Best Place To Hear Live Music
HAPA’S
This past year alone, Hapa’s has hosted live music from hip-hop to Hawaiian and punk rock to jazz. With Willie K leading the forefront, other bands that have made special appearances include Kapena, Malino, Fiji, Oshen, BET, Dezman, Gomega, Piilani, Catch a Fire, Crazy Fingers, Kanekoa, Nuff Sed, Cool Rush, Neto Peraza and Louise Lambert, Kohomua, Typical Hawaiians, Sex With Lurch, The Eyeshadows, Pepper, Soulive and ALO. Oh, the list goes on and on. Thank you, Hapa’s for continuing to pioneer the way for live music venues on Maui! [SC]
Best Art Gallery
GALERIE LASSEN
Galerie Lassen undoubtedly was voted Maui’s best art gallery because it evokes the same sense of awe as Lassen’s paintings. Touring it is like entering into one of Lassen’s gloriously luminescent paintings. The experience immerses you in flamboyance, color and a sense of other-worldliness. You feel like you’re on a trip to Disneyland, when you come face-to-face with Lassen’s audacious painting of Mickey Mouse in his role as the Sorcerer’s Apprentice. The gallery is a perfect reflection of Lassen’s art: breathtaking, bold, dazzlingly colorful and chosen the best on Maui. [JK] [I think I’m gonna vomit now-Ed.]
Best Movie Theater
MAUI MALL MEGAPLEX
Do I really need to tell you? Here on our small island, we really only have one movie theater that can be considered the best – The Maui Mall Megaplex. Not only is it the newest movie venue we have, but it smells the best. Only those select few that have no sense of smell would have voted for the Wallace Theater at the Wharf. Seriously, the Wharf? I know we are rich in tradition and we love to preserve pieces of history, but the wharf is no ancient treasure. The Megaplex, on the other hand, with its high ceilings and stadium seating – no wonder it’s the best. I mean they have everything. They even have reclining chairs for the kids when they get bored during “Sinbad; Legend of the Seas,” and parents, don’t forget those love seats… [KH]
BEST NIGHT TO MARK ON YOUR CALENDAR EVERY MONTH
I don’t like Mondays. Fridays are always so far away and the weekends are just too much hype. Wednesdays are the days of pleasant surprises for me: the ambience of an outdoor café, friends mingling, strangers smiling and music playing creates the perfect setting to forget my mid-week blues and do some serious people watching. Enter the Castle Theater and experience a multi-level (where else can you sit in the balcony to see a big-screen movie?), gorgeously designed building, where you can view the best in independent and Oscar-caliber films. The Maui Film Festival at the Maui Arts & Cultural Center in Wailuku is a slice of societal and cinematic pie – the sweetest, most delicious kind. [SC]
Best Local Musician
WILLIE K
The only reason this guy classifies as Best Local Musician instead of an international legend is because he doesn’t promote himself off of the rock. Seriously, Willie K is one of the best entertainers you will ever see. EVER. His voice is better than 90-percent of the singers you hear on the radio and his guitar playing is virtuoso-like. In fact, I don’t know which he’s better at, singing or playing the guitar. And to top it off, he’s a one-man comedy act at the same time. If he ever looked beyond the Hawaiian Islands, Willie K could make a career out of entertaining people the world over. [TH]
Best Reggae/Jawaiian Band
MARTY DREAD
Marty Dread has put Maui Reggae on the map, and kept reggae alive and kicking with his weekly reggae nights at venues around the island. My first Marty experience happened to be over 15 years ago, as a young teen carousing the Baldwin beach area for cute boys, where he would perform free shows as a Maui youth himself. While neither of us has aged a bit, Marty Dread’s reggae career has matured with several CDs, lots of airtime and regular *paid* gigs on the island. Irie! [JR]
BEST PLACE TO SEE FIREWORKS
The Fourth of July is such a great day to celebrate our country’s independence. Lahaina Town is the best place to see the fireworks celebration. Front Street is closed down just as it is on Halloween. People from all over the island and all over the world flock to the street to play witness to 10-15 minutes of spectacular fireworks. Whether you are watching them from Baby Beach, in a car up Lahainaluna, in a boat or drunk on the street, you are guaranteed a wonderful show. It’ll make you proud to be an American. [CM]
Best Jazz Musician/Ensemble
TOM CONWAY
Maui’s man of gypsy jazz takes the top number in votes according to our readers. His soulful strumming takes my jazz hands out of my pockets and onto the steering wheel searching for more shows. While Best of Maui’s top Jazz musician Tom Conway is not often gigging, he can be heard by picking up his CD, Hot Gypsy Nights. Mana’o Radio in Wailuku, FM station 91.5, features local, independent musicians who are trying to receive recognition for their hard work. Conway presented his CD to Bill Best, one of the DJs at the station. Best played the CD immediately and Conway was put on the air to talk about the CD. “I am so grateful for the people at Mana’o Radio,” Conway said. “They still play my CD and I have had people recognize the group because of Mana’o Radio.” [JR/CM]
BEST GAY BAR/GAY NIGHT
I am considered by many to be the best straight “gay friend” in the world. I am a good listener, I am a professional shopper and, of course, I give the best beauty tips. On several occasions, I have ventured to Hapa’s nightclub in Kihei on a Tuesday night. Tuesday night is “Ultra Fab Tuesday”. “Fab” as in fabulous, gay, dance-with-your-shirt-off night. As soon as you enter Hapa’s, house and techno rhythms fill the air with a touch of sass. Okay, not just a touch. A full-blown, smack-in-the-ass room filled with sassy, hot men and women. All in all, each night has turned out to be loads of fun and since we’ve lost Jabba’s Place this past year, Hapa’s thankfully accommodates with the best gay night on Maui. [CM]
Best Club DJ
DANIEL J
Daniel J has been a centrifugal force in Maui’s spinning scene bringing fresh spinning meat to our carnivorous ears and generous servings of dance parties for past, present and future. Keeping with the blips and beeps of the DJ scene that changes faster than you can say turntable, Daniel J has treated Maui to an extravagant buffet of DJs and sounds, always handing out the latest CDs to his fans. I have indulged on many a sweaty night of sweet groovy capering to the sights, smells and ear candy served up by Daniel and his cohorts. Obviously you too, Maui Time readers, have a swell memory or two as you cast your votes for this Maui mixmaster icon. [JR]
Best Place For Karaoke
SANSEI
The Sansei restaurants in Kapalua and Kihei are not only known for their fabulous sushi, but for also for their karaoke nights. On Thursdays and Fridays, the wonderful residents of Maui go to Sansei to belt out their favorite tunes. Amateurs and professionals all attend –you never know who’ll show up (like Michelle Branch in Kihei a few months ago!) – and sometimes, a little bit of alcohol helps the performances. Out of all the places on Maui to karaoke, Sansei’s was voted the best and my screeching renditions may have had something to do with that. [CM]
THE BEST ACCIDENTAL STREET THEATER
Okay, I can’t even write this without laughing. Let me start by saying that platform slip-on leather sandals do not double for bicycle shoes. Walking down Front Street, you are bound to see your fair share of freak shows and South Kihei Road is no stranger to the occasional failure to negotiate a curb resulting in a nasty little tumble. But the happenings of one sunny Wednesday afternoon takes top-billing in my accidental street theater memory bank. Walking alone, minding my own business, I see a young lady wearing a mini skirt, dark glasses and the above-mentioned bike riding foot apparel. A perfect get-up for disaster and not necessarily the best choice for chugging along on a Schwinn. The recipe for disaster culminates with the approach of an oncoming car and her efforts to get onto the sidewalk. As she angles her bike, one of her sandals slips off, ends up under her back tire, sends her front tire into the curb and she goes ass over tea kettle into the dirt. She had this look on her face like, yeah, I’m pretty much screwed. After I made sure she was okay and grabbed her sandal for her, tears of laughter streamed down my face and I wet myself. [IH]
Best Cover Band
CRUNCH PUPS
What’s better than hearing all your favorite alternative rock songs as you down your fifth Jägermeister, chat it up with friends and attempt to use that “fail-proof” pickup line on your next victim? Crunch Pups are a talented group of musicians who help you achieve this nighttime nirvana. They effortlessly breeze through an eclectic mix of some of the best college radio hits so well that at times, you’d swear you were listening to a surprise live concert by 311, The Strokes or Third Eye Blind. You can catch Crunch Pups island-wide also playing covers from Red Hot Chili Peppers, Blind Melon, Incubus, Dave Matthews, Matchbox Twenty, White Stripes, Violent Femmes and Sublime. [SC]
Best Luau
OLD LAHAINA LUAU
Old Lahaina Luau wins this victory with an amazing count of votes. Why is this luau so loved? Perhaps it’s the remarkable luau grounds that give you an intimate look at the Hawaiian culture and food and dance, despite hundreds of other malihini around you. Is it the beautiful performers and their mesmerizing dance through Hawaiian history, or the ‘broke da mout’ onolicious spread of kau kau? Perhaps it’s the pour of mai tais faster than a waterfall in Hana, or the dazzling sunset views. It’s all of these things and more. Old Lahaina Luau dancers also brave the New York winter cold (in hula costumes) every year to bring a taste of our islands to the Macy’s parade, spreading Maui’s aloha nationwide and further. Well done, Old Lahaina Luau, ho’omaika’i. [JR]
BEST LOCAL BAND TO SHAKE YOUR GROOVE TO
Soulful ass-grinding grooves are just what we need on a Friday night and Crazy Fingers can deliver, making themselves a Maui institution at Longhi’s. While Longhi’s may suck as a venue without them, Crazy Fingers gets the pheromones flowing for many a Friday night hook-up by infectious soul-reggae-hiphop-rock-pop covers and originals, despite the crowded bar with overpriced drinks. Crazy Fingers has played just about every possible location on Maui, catch them when you can and keep your dancing shoes on ‘cuz you will be bumpin’ and grindin’ with the best of ‘em. [JR]
Best Guitar Slinger With A Drum Machine
MAURICE BEGA
This is the life; we can lay in the sun on Kaanapali beach on Saturday afternoons drinking beers hidden in cozies, listening to the sweet sounds of Maurice Bega, Maui’s favorite guitar player with a drum machine. His catchy songs and smooth strummings keep the beer going down and the conversations playful at the Hula Grill, and their outdoor venue keeps folks like me on the beach entertained, too. I am not sure what Maurice has been up to since his last well received CD, 2 Hearts, so I leave it up to you readers to catch up with him. You can hear this hard-working local musician also at BJ’s on Tuesday from 8-10:30 p.m. [JR]
Best Place To Go Dancing
HAPA’S
You can always dance the night away at Hapa’s. They have the biggest and best dance floor on Maui. My favorite night happens to be Amatuer Pole Dancing night. Hot pants and hooker heels required. Shake your bootie and find a cutie. Hapa’s has a great schedule with something different going on every night so if pole dancing isn’t your thang maybe Willie K on Mondays is. [JR]
BEST ADULT VIDEO SELECTION
For pure, unadulterated entertainment, check out the stacks at Paradise Spice in Wailuku. We’re talking serious intellectual X-rated cinema, of course. With titles like “Fast Times at Deep Crack High” and “Saving Ryan’s Privates”, just perusing the endless video titles is enough to keep you in stitches, and in stock, of only the highest caliber of pornorific film fun. You can even tell your co-workers that you’re doing “research” in order to take an extra-long lunch break and venture out to the most video-intriguing adult store in Maui. I mean, so I’ve heard anyway. [SC]
Best Hard Rock/Metal/Punk Band
KHRINJ
For over five years, the guys of Khrinj have rocked you hard, all over the island, and these days they’ve never sounded better. Now you show them your appreciation by voting them the best original Hard Rock Band – good job, Maui! There is something to be said for musical diversity and Maui Time readers know that when it’s time to rock, it’s time to Khrinj. Soon the world will know, too (insert diabolical laugh here) – right guys? Right?! [SC]
BEST STREET CHARACTER
A casual walk under the Banyan tree can turn into a not-so-typical church service. You have seen him with his long, gray hair and mustache – we call him Preacher Man. He plays the guitar and preaches like the world is coming to an end. His passion for the Bible runs deep through his blood and then shoots straight out of his mouth, However, there’s another contender for the title. Driving from Lahaina to the other side (and vice versa) on the Pali can be curvy and dangerous. So when you are rounding the corners, keep a careful eye for the ever-popular Pali Walker. Preacher man and Pali Walker are definitely the best street characters on Maui. [CM]
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