Eh guy with the surfing dog in Maalaea!

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Eh guy with his surfing dog: You offered me a beer and helped drag my aging mom’s stuff down to the beach at Haycraft Park in Ma’alaea. I was having a rough day and you cheered me up. Your dog was waiting at the car and you were hungry. Sorry I only had trail mix to offer you. What […]

Eh South Maui Squatters!

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To the squatter of South Maui: Shame on you for hiding behind the asinine law of “squatter rights.” How this “right” was passed by government officials is mind-boggling. You have no lease, refuse to pay rent and refuse to leave. You’re making it so my family (who HAVE a lease) cannot move into our new […]

Eh loitering ladies in Paia!

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To the two ladies sitting on the sidewalk in Paia: If you two had any common sense at all, you wouldn’t sit on the sidewalk right at the point of entry to  a neighborhood. First, it’s illegal to block sidewalks as they’re meant for people to walk on (not people like you who make people […]

Eh Kihei shopping cart thieves!

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Eh shopping cart thieves: It’s funny that we have three supermarkets in Kihei and all have shopping carts provided by the food markets. What’s not funny is the number of carts that you’re taking away. I’ve found them up streets as far away as six miles. Each of them has to be pressure washed and repaired. […]

Eh racist driver in Paia!

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I was walking down the street in Paia with my father and turned and crossed the road using the crosswalk as you rudely drove by yelling “Fucking Haoles!” Don’t you know the part about pedestrians having the right away, especially in crosswalks? Or maybe you don’t know how to respect your elders (my dad is 67 and one cool haole […]

Eh dirty liar car salesman!

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Eh, car salesman! I bought a used car from you on Friday, with a $5,000 down payment. As I was driving it home the AC went out, then the next day the alternator died. When I called to get this taken care of you told me, “you signed enough paperwork with us so that even […]

Eh jerk Front Street restaurant server!

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To the waiter at the Front Street restaurant who recently served us: I understand that you don’t  like working when the cruise ship’s in town. But not everyone’s from the ship. I’m from Kihei and was bringing some (non-cruise ship) guests to your restaurant. One of my friends asked you to take a picture of […]

Eh Brah! – Idiot thieves hot-wire a busted car

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Eh jackasses who tried to steal my car: I see you left it in the middle of the road on an extremely tight blind corner. This doesn’t surprise me. It was a valiant effort on your part, but next time you might want to try to hot-wire a vehicle with a functioning drive shaft. You […]

Eh idiot driver in Wailuku!

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Eh idiot who raced out of the Wailuku court parking garage across from McDonald’s without stopping or looking right for pedestrians or other cars: You’re supposed to stop at the line and look both ways, especially for pedestrians on the sidewalk. I’ve been almost hit three times there, once while I was carrying a bunch of […]

Eh brah, thanks for stealing my kids’ soccer equipment!

Thanks for breaking into my truck at Sidewalks in Kihei and stealing my kids’ bags, which were full of their soccer equipment. They were headed to practice, but obviously couldn’t actually go because of your theft. I hope you show some honor and return their stuff, but keep in mind that I’m looking for you…  […]

Eh Brah! Pay attention when you’re in line!

Eh brah: I was standing in line behind you the other day, but I guarantee you didn’t see me. That’s because you were too busy staring at your phone, texting or checking email or whatever. Was it that crucial that you couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to the clerk or the rest of us […]

Eh Doc! Waiting forever in your cold examination room isn’t aloha!

Eh, Doc! I had an appointment scheduled with you one recent morning. I woke up early, rushed to drop off my husband at work, rushed my little boy to take him early to daycare so that I would be on time for my annual appointment with you. I live in Haiku and it’s a 30-minute […]

Eh lady who almost hit my car and then yelled at ME!

To the lady who almost hit my dog at Kaonoulu Street and South Kihei Road: Yes, my dog got off her leash, but don’t stand there and scream at me about how “YOU would have felt” if you hit my dog. How do you think I would have felt? How do you think my dog […]

Eh Concierge! Think of the turtles, brah!

Eh concierge! With all the wonderful things to do on Maui, did you really have to tell visitors where the sea turtles haul-up? Is nothing sacred? Sure, you’ll get better tips, but at what cost? The sea turtles have it hard enough. They are not here solely for our entertainment. They’re trying to rest. And […]

Eh Hookipa creepers: stop cat-calling my daughter and me!

This goes out to the guys hanging out at the Ho’okipa Beach Park pavilion who I guess had nothing better to do a few weeks ago than cat-call my daughter and I while we were out trying to catch some sun. It got so bad I had to yell at you to shut up. Seriously […]

Eh rhythmically challenged Little Beach drummers!

To the rhythmically challenged weekend Little Beach drummers who absolutely can’t carry a beat: your childlish pounding ruins a beautiful day at the beach for everyone within earshot. How about practicing alone and sparing us your banging? It’s not good, though it is loud. Illustration by Ron Pitts