Eh Vile Jerk Neighbor!


You harassed my family and myself for over a year–even our elderly parents. You ran over my kids’ toys on purpose. You destroyed the steps to my yard. You hit my fiance’s car. You threw rocks at my house. And you left a threatening letter on our doorstep that scared our children. You’re quite simply […]

Eh Sassy Convenience Store Clerks!


To the two sistahs who work the evening shift at the local convenience store, as well as all other small-minded, customer service bigots who work behind a counter and somehow think you are better than everyone else: You’re right. Maui is a small island, so the next time you open your mouth and talk smack […]

Eh Kava Thief In Haliimaile!


Eh Brah! Why are you sellin’ kava for $8 a pound on Craigslist? you take people’s money and then send ‘um over to the garden in Hali`imaile to dig ‘um. Only the place you send ‘um isn’t yours! You stealin’! Sure, you’re clever ’cause you’re long gone by then and the buyers are the ones […]

Eh Angels Who Helped Me In Wailuku!


Eh brah: a big shout-out to the Maui angels who helped me when my truck overflowed on Lower Main in Wailuku. I made the turn at Waihee Beach Road and many food items spilled onto the road. First a young girl stopped, helped clean up some items and left me with a roll of paper […]

Eh nice guy who helped us after our Pali Trail hike!

19.07.EH BRAH

We had just finished a grueling, hot, humid Lahaina-Pali trail hike on a Sunday morning when we discovered that we locked our keys to the car parked on the Lahaina side in the car over on the Kihei side. We were sweaty, dirty, stinky and exhausted when this generous Hana raised guy offered to drive us […]

Eh guy who hit the bike rack in Lahaina!


Eh brah, this goes out to the okole who hit the bike rack in Lahaina with his van, then got out and smiled about it in a half-empty parking lot, blocking all the people who bike to work in the morning. We had to chain up to the other rack by Foodland because we didn’t […]

Eh guitar thief at Puamana Park!


This goes out to the GDSOBPOSMF on a moped who stole my black mini ESP guitar out of my shopping cart while I was asleep at Puamana Park. Hell awaits you! Illustration: Ron Pitts

Eh jerk homeowners’ association president!

Here’s to the jerk homeowners’ association president and his wife at our beautiful condo complex in West Maui. Just because you both inherited several units from your parents, that doesn’t give you the right to treat everyone like crap. You two arrogant a-holes act like you’re Hawaiian royalty and the rest of us here are […]

Eh woman parking legally in a Pukalani handicapped stall!

19.02.Eh brah-handicapped-parking-space-Ron-Pitts

As I was going into Foodland Pukalani, I saw this woman park in the handicapped parking spot and then get into another guy’s car (she did have a handicapped sticker). I asked in a polite voice, “Are you taking the best handicapped parking stall her just to carpool somewhere?” I suggested that if she was […]

Eh guy who found my car keys at Baby Beach! brah-missing-keys-baby-beach-ron-pitts

A thousand thank you’s to the person who found my keys on Baby Beach, then figured out which car was mine and left them on my front seat! I left the keys hidden on my towel when I went for a run but with the crazy wind that day, my towel was blown into oblivion by […]

Eh Slipper Thief at Baby Beach!


To the person who stole my slippers from Baby Beach the other week. You must have really needed them since they were two years old and falling apart. I left them in the sand with everyone else’s. And though it may have appeared that everyone had already left the beach, my car was still parked […]

Eh jerks who trashed our bus stop!

18.51.Eh brah-bus-stop-trash

Eh Brah! Yes, our home is on an intersection where the county has placed a bus stop but that doesn’t mean you can use the bus stop as a garbage dump. Last month, it was your skanky sofa cushions, this week it’s your beat-up sink. Not to mention the daily rubbish stashed in our bushes and thrown over our fence […]

Eh guy with the surfing dog in Maalaea!


Eh guy with his surfing dog: You offered me a beer and helped drag my aging mom’s stuff down to the beach at Haycraft Park in Ma’alaea. I was having a rough day and you cheered me up. Your dog was waiting at the car and you were hungry. Sorry I only had trail mix to offer you. What […]

Eh South Maui Squatters!


To the squatter of South Maui: Shame on you for hiding behind the asinine law of “squatter rights.” How this “right” was passed by government officials is mind-boggling. You have no lease, refuse to pay rent and refuse to leave. You’re making it so my family (who HAVE a lease) cannot move into our new […]

Eh loitering ladies in Paia!

18.48.EH BRAH

To the two ladies sitting on the sidewalk in Paia: If you two had any common sense at all, you wouldn’t sit on the sidewalk right at the point of entry to  a neighborhood. First, it’s illegal to block sidewalks as they’re meant for people to walk on (not people like you who make people […]

Eh Kihei shopping cart thieves!

18.47.EH BRAH

Eh shopping cart thieves: It’s funny that we have three supermarkets in Kihei and all have shopping carts provided by the food markets. What’s not funny is the number of carts that you’re taking away. I’ve found them up streets as far away as six miles. Each of them has to be pressure washed and repaired. […]