Eh Brah, thanks for egging my car!

Here’s to the juvenile delinquents who stole eggs from their mommy’s refrigerator and thought it would be funny to use my vehicle as a target. You’d better hope that I don’t find out who you are, because you will end up with more than egg on your face… Illustration: Ron Pitts

Eh cheap lousy stinking former tenant!


A big mahalo goes out to you for taking care of my parrot that loves to mountain bike and my black lab that loves to eat while I was on the Mainland. Also, mahalo for taking my shampoo carpet cleaner that my tenants used as well as my spare mountain bike parts and tubes. Mahalo for […]

Eh Brah: Shame on you for stealing from your own kine!


This one is for you and you know who you are! Don’t act like you paid me off when you borrowed big bucks from me nearly 10 years ago. Back then, we were friends–until you ripped off my family by trying to be professional. Enough acting already. You did enough damage to your image, husband, family and […]

Eh Brah: Mahalo to the two guys who fixed my broken fender!


Here’s a huge mahalo to the man on the moped who stopped to take a look at my nearly taken-off front bumper and told me to go to Long’s to get tape. Because of Moped Man’s advice, a bigger mahalo to the gentleman I met at Long’s for helping me put together my fender with […]

Eh crazy lady feeding ice cream to her dog!


As I was enjoying some pizza and salad the other day at Costco, I glanced out the window at the tables outside and saw a woman spoon feeding her pug dog ice cream. OK, dogs really shouldn’t eat ice cream, but whatever, I thought. But then she took the same spoon and without wiping it off continued […]

Eh Dumb Surfer in Lahaina Harbor!


Eh Brah! So you like to surf Lahaina Harbor? Why’d you wait to swim over to the dock until the big boat I drive was coming in to park? It’s a special kine stupid to try to get out of the water on the dock instead of using the stairs–which are there for surfers like you. I […]

Eh Vile Jerk Neighbor!


You harassed my family and myself for over a year–even our elderly parents. You ran over my kids’ toys on purpose. You destroyed the steps to my yard. You hit my fiance’s car. You threw rocks at my house. And you left a threatening letter on our doorstep that scared our children. You’re quite simply […]

Eh Sassy Convenience Store Clerks!


To the two sistahs who work the evening shift at the local convenience store, as well as all other small-minded, customer service bigots who work behind a counter and somehow think you are better than everyone else: You’re right. Maui is a small island, so the next time you open your mouth and talk smack […]

Eh Kava Thief In Haliimaile!


Eh Brah! Why are you sellin’ kava for $8 a pound on Craigslist? you take people’s money and then send ‘um over to the garden in Hali`imaile to dig ‘um. Only the place you send ‘um isn’t yours! You stealin’! Sure, you’re clever ’cause you’re long gone by then and the buyers are the ones […]

Eh Angels Who Helped Me In Wailuku!


Eh brah: a big shout-out to the Maui angels who helped me when my truck overflowed on Lower Main in Wailuku. I made the turn at Waihee Beach Road and many food items spilled onto the road. First a young girl stopped, helped clean up some items and left me with a roll of paper […]

Eh nice guy who helped us after our Pali Trail hike!

19.07.EH BRAH

We had just finished a grueling, hot, humid Lahaina-Pali trail hike on a Sunday morning when we discovered that we locked our keys to the car parked on the Lahaina side in the car over on the Kihei side. We were sweaty, dirty, stinky and exhausted when this generous Hana raised guy offered to drive us […]

Eh guy who hit the bike rack in Lahaina!


Eh brah, this goes out to the okole who hit the bike rack in Lahaina with his van, then got out and smiled about it in a half-empty parking lot, blocking all the people who bike to work in the morning. We had to chain up to the other rack by Foodland because we didn’t […]

Eh guitar thief at Puamana Park!


This goes out to the GDSOBPOSMF on a moped who stole my black mini ESP guitar out of my shopping cart while I was asleep at Puamana Park. Hell awaits you! Illustration: Ron Pitts

Eh jerk homeowners’ association president!

Here’s to the jerk homeowners’ association president and his wife at our beautiful condo complex in West Maui. Just because you both inherited several units from your parents, that doesn’t give you the right to treat everyone like crap. You two arrogant a-holes act like you’re Hawaiian royalty and the rest of us here are […]

Eh woman parking legally in a Pukalani handicapped stall!

19.02.Eh brah-handicapped-parking-space-Ron-Pitts

As I was going into Foodland Pukalani, I saw this woman park in the handicapped parking spot and then get into another guy’s car (she did have a handicapped sticker). I asked in a polite voice, “Are you taking the best handicapped parking stall her just to carpool somewhere?” I suggested that if she was […]

Eh guy who found my car keys at Baby Beach! brah-missing-keys-baby-beach-ron-pitts

A thousand thank you’s to the person who found my keys on Baby Beach, then figured out which car was mine and left them on my front seat! I left the keys hidden on my towel when I went for a run but with the crazy wind that day, my towel was blown into oblivion by […]